Hello Again

A One Act Play - Set in current day Suburbia

Young Energetic Mother: You know, I have been introduce to Sally Jones at least four times but she never seems to remember me and does not say hello when we see each other around town.

Older Wise Mother:  Hmmm.  And your children are in the same school?

Young Energetic:  Yes.

Old Wise:  Well my dear, I hate to break it to you, but it sounds like you are socially invisible to Sally Jones.

Young Energetic:  But, I don't understand. We have been at the same parties and events.  We know a lot of the same people.  To my knowledge I have never offended her.  Lots of people enjoy my company.

Old Wise:  Yes, my friend - including me. Now, let's run through the possibilities.  1) She is very busy and important and genuinely does not remember meeting you.  2) She knows she has met you but is playing some sort of weird 'I am too fabulous to know you game.'  3) She is shy, socially awkward and does not know how to interact with other humans.  4) She has been crazy busy being the perfect mother for the past 5 years and has only recently awoken from a Rip Van Winkle type coma and deserves another chance.

Young Energetic:  So what should I do the next time I see her?

Old Wise:  Because you are a kind person and a polite one, I know you will not give her a does of her own medicine and pretend you don't know her.  When you see her around town simply say "hello"  as you would to a neighbor, mail man or person you recognize but do not know well.  If she looks a you blankly or disdainfully just keep moving knowing you have done the courteous thing.  Remember if she is playing some weird head game the only way she can win is if you let her make you uncomfortable.

Young Energetic:  That's true. Good strategy.  What if we get introduced again?

Old Wise:  I think in that case I would let her speak first and if she does not say anything just say "It is so nice to see you. " and follow the conversational lead of the person who introduced you.  If it is awkward just drink up quickly and say "Oh my I seem to be our of champagne, will you excuse me?" and get on down the road.  You are an interesting person with wonderful friends and if she does not wish to count herself among them it is her loss.  You should not feel embarrassed or uncomfortable because someone else is oblivious or rude.

Young Energetic:  I'll do it!

The End

Lost, Found, but Not Returned? Really?

What to do when an unfamiliar jacket appears in one's home may seem obvious to our gentle readers. For a certain variety of ill-mannered mother, however, it may pose a conundrum. Add it to the jumble of outerwear in the mudroom? Button her child into it and send him out the door because "its just so crazy" getting everyone off to school? Encourage her child to enjoy her "new find?" Of course not. The well mannered mother may look inside for a name or phone number, ask her child to whom the jacket may belong, and think back to recent playdates. No matter how harrowing the process of getting her children dressed and out the door, she makes every reasonable attempt to return the lost jacket to it owner. When her own child's jacket goes missing, the well-mannered mother will cope, hoping the jacket will turn up. Three weeks later, when she is informed by a fellow mother, “Oh Zooey’s been wearing Mackenzie’s jacket and just LOVES it,” her best response is honesty. "Well, we would certainly like to have that back, please." That is, if she can manage to speak through her own astonishment.

A Shame about that Name

People choose from a wide variety of names for their children these days: traditional names, place names, obscure ethnic names and, of course, made up names. Some names may bring back memories of the mean neighborhood kid who liked to play with matches. Some names may sound more appropriate for a car than a child. (Use your imagination.) Others may be a bit baffling (Wmffre?) Whatever the name, the well mannered mother never discloses her negative reaction. Where an ill-mannered mother might say, “Ugh! the last Zeus I knew weighed 400 pounds,” the well manned mother would say, “How wonderful to have a classical name.” And when introduced to darling newborn, Eithne, the well mannered mother may say, “What a lovely name, tell me how you chose it.” Whatever the conundrum, you can't go wrong with admiring the baby.

Playground Antics

There is a type of ill-mannered mother that can be found at the playground more often than we would like. This mother treats the playground as an opportunity to demonstrate her superiority as a citizen and mother in the guise of speaking to or correcting her toddler. Sadly, most parents are all too familiar with these loudly audible monologues. “Oh no Phoebe in our family we never throw sand like that little boy. We know sand belongs in the sand box... Oh I see that girl is still using the swing, I guess they don’t have the 10-minute rule like we do... No darling that is an Oreo. It has hydrogenated fat in it. We do not eat those.” So it goes, on and on and on. By stark contrast the well-mannered mother knows that a park is one of the first safe places a toddler can navigate by himself and the more hands-off she is the better. She should find a comfortable spot and enjoy a brief moment of quiet. She is welcome to engage other parents in conversation if she wishes. She might begin with a polite opening comment such as “What a lovely day” or “I adore your diaper bag” but if it is not met with an friendly and open response she should smile and open her book or sit quietly with her own thoughts.

Advice

What better topic to begin with than the topic of Advice?

Generally unsolicited and mostly well meaning, strangers give advice to mothers from the time she is visibly pregnant. From “You are having a natural birth, aren’t you” to “you really should enroll your 18 month old in Chinese/Russian/Arabic classes now” these tidbits are usually unwelcome and irritating. The well-mannered mother knows to smile politely and change the subject or leave the room as soon as possible.

Certain ill-mannered mothers will react to such advice with loud complaints to their friends and family: “How annoying! That lady just told me to put a hat on my baby! As if I don’t know the temperature outside! She should try keeping a hat on an 11 month-old!” Maybe she has. The well-mannered mother remembers that such outrage is an inappropriate response to well-meaning, though misguided behavior.

Needless to say, the well-mannered mother should never give advice unless expressly asked and then only on the subject at hand.