If You Don't Have Anything Nice To Say...

Of course we all know the rest of this old adage.   If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. 

There is also, sadly, the tacky, snarky version to be found on someecards and needle point pillows. 

The thing the mannerly mother finds difficult to understand about the pillow is - is this something one would purchase for herself?

image from Google images

 Because, how on earth could one ever give - or worse - receive such a gift?  "Dear Sally, I saw this pillow and thought of you - you back-talking, gossipy, so and so. xoxo Bunny"  As the receiver of such a gift would one say "Oh thank you Bunny, you know how much I love being unkind and catty.  This is just perfect!"  Perhaps one just needs to be in the right mood.

In our case, it isn't that we don't have anything nice to say these days, we just don't seem to have time to say much of anything.  So, please know, we are thinking of our blog and hope to find more time and topics in the near future.

In the meantime, if your house is anything like our house, the delicate (and not so delicate) art of costume negotiation is in full swing.  Hope this vintage M4MM piece helps.

The Busy Parent Trap

In earlier posts, we’ve written about the busy contest and hyper-scheduling one-upmanship, but its now front and center in people’s minds (or at least their facebook feeds) thanks toThe ‘Busy’ Trap by Tim Kreider which appeared in Sunday's New York Times.  Mr. Kreider makes a strong argument for the merits of idleness, and successfully skewers the busy culture (e.g., busy people “schedule in time with friends the way students with 4.0 G.P.A.s make sure to sign up for community service because it looks good on their college applications.”) and he holds no punches when he argues that people over-schedule themselves as a “hedge against emptiness.”

We heartily applaud Mr. Kreider's efforts to fight hyper-busy culture, but we do note it will be some years before most modern mothers can attempt his solution, which appears to be something along the lines of “move to an undisclosed location, read, write, go for long bicycle rides.” Even without encouraging (enforcing?) all manner of extra-curricular activities for her children, a modern mother must do laundry, wipe faces, cook dinner, bathe small children, and generally tame the chaos. Of course, all the extra busy-ness of being a parent is temporary, and in the mean time, we can all dream about 5 solid hours devoted to nothing but writing, followed by leisurely bicycle rides through the French countryside, baguette in basket.

Hello Again

A One Act Play - Set in current day Suburbia

Young Energetic Mother: You know, I have been introduce to Sally Jones at least four times but she never seems to remember me and does not say hello when we see each other around town.

Older Wise Mother:  Hmmm.  And your children are in the same school?

Young Energetic:  Yes.

Old Wise:  Well my dear, I hate to break it to you, but it sounds like you are socially invisible to Sally Jones.

Young Energetic:  But, I don't understand. We have been at the same parties and events.  We know a lot of the same people.  To my knowledge I have never offended her.  Lots of people enjoy my company.

Old Wise:  Yes, my friend - including me. Now, let's run through the possibilities.  1) She is very busy and important and genuinely does not remember meeting you.  2) She knows she has met you but is playing some sort of weird 'I am too fabulous to know you game.'  3) She is shy, socially awkward and does not know how to interact with other humans.  4) She has been crazy busy being the perfect mother for the past 5 years and has only recently awoken from a Rip Van Winkle type coma and deserves another chance.

Young Energetic:  So what should I do the next time I see her?

Old Wise:  Because you are a kind person and a polite one, I know you will not give her a does of her own medicine and pretend you don't know her.  When you see her around town simply say "hello"  as you would to a neighbor, mail man or person you recognize but do not know well.  If she looks a you blankly or disdainfully just keep moving knowing you have done the courteous thing.  Remember if she is playing some weird head game the only way she can win is if you let her make you uncomfortable.

Young Energetic:  That's true. Good strategy.  What if we get introduced again?

Old Wise:  I think in that case I would let her speak first and if she does not say anything just say "It is so nice to see you. " and follow the conversational lead of the person who introduced you.  If it is awkward just drink up quickly and say "Oh my I seem to be our of champagne, will you excuse me?" and get on down the road.  You are an interesting person with wonderful friends and if she does not wish to count herself among them it is her loss.  You should not feel embarrassed or uncomfortable because someone else is oblivious or rude.

Young Energetic:  I'll do it!

The End