Suffering from end-of-school-year fatigue?

The end of the school year can be overwhelming. As it all winds to an end – the grind of tracking down missing shoes, remembering permission slips, helping to pull together class projects – a mother can feel just plain fed up. So fed up that she can’t come up with words to convey the ridiculousness of it all. 

Then lucky for us, we can read and delight in Worst End of School Year Mom Ever on Jen Hatmaker's blog. Judging by the 1500+ comments on this post, she might have struck a nerve. Or, as our friend Catherine said, when she posted this on Facebook, "Oh yes." Thanks, Catherine for sharing. 

Have a great weekend, mothers, the finish line is in sight.

The Busy Parent Trap

In earlier posts, we’ve written about the busy contest and hyper-scheduling one-upmanship, but its now front and center in people’s minds (or at least their facebook feeds) thanks toThe ‘Busy’ Trap by Tim Kreider which appeared in Sunday's New York Times.  Mr. Kreider makes a strong argument for the merits of idleness, and successfully skewers the busy culture (e.g., busy people “schedule in time with friends the way students with 4.0 G.P.A.s make sure to sign up for community service because it looks good on their college applications.”) and he holds no punches when he argues that people over-schedule themselves as a “hedge against emptiness.”

We heartily applaud Mr. Kreider's efforts to fight hyper-busy culture, but we do note it will be some years before most modern mothers can attempt his solution, which appears to be something along the lines of “move to an undisclosed location, read, write, go for long bicycle rides.” Even without encouraging (enforcing?) all manner of extra-curricular activities for her children, a modern mother must do laundry, wipe faces, cook dinner, bathe small children, and generally tame the chaos. Of course, all the extra busy-ness of being a parent is temporary, and in the mean time, we can all dream about 5 solid hours devoted to nothing but writing, followed by leisurely bicycle rides through the French countryside, baguette in basket.

Sprinting towards summer

Camp forms have been submitted; the teacher gifts purchased; year-end parties have been planned, and the end of the school year is on the horizon. As every sports team, community organization, or book club tries to pack in a “last” dinner, annual meeting or luncheon, things get breathtakingly hectic and the modern mother’s calendar erupts in multiple overlapping colored bubbles. As she rushes through all these events, trying to compose thoughtful thank you notes along the way, life can start to feel like a sprint, a sprint into summer. Of course, its not a race, not even an endurance test, just another example of how modern mothers must, balance, plan, organize and execute, all while keeping their equanimity and not getting caught up in the busy contest.

So, hang in there modern mothers! The sprint towards summer will end soon enough, and in the meantime, we can all look forward to the joys of the season (fireflies, pool parties, and 4th of july sparklers) even if our anticipation might be tinged with a bit of dread. Stock up on sunscreen, sandals and swimsuits, as you race through your year end activities, before you know it we’ll all be on vacation, if that’s what you’d like to call it.

Winning the Busy Contest

At this very moment, there is a contest raging in cities, towns and suburbs all across America. Not a contest of strength, endurance, or athleticism; not a contest of skill, intellect, or talent; not a contest of wealth or power. Whether they know it or not, many modern mothers have been entered into a busy contest.

With the winding down of the school year, the months of May and June can be packed with year-end recitals, sports tournaments, PTO wrap ups, year-end picnics, graduations, planning for the summer, planning for the next school year. The list goes on. All on top of typical family homework-housework-sports-and-activities routines. It’s enough to make a modern mother’s head spin. When she overhears rapid fire accounting of busy-ness passing as conversation ("Things are just sooooo crazy!), it’s enough to make her realize that sadly, the contemporary stereotype of the frenetic family is all too true.
What could possibly be behind all this busy-ness? And why would anyone want to glorify it? In a bygone era, one celebrated success and prosperity by lolling about on the French Riviera, or at the very least relaxing on the porch with a mint julep. But in today’s world, a tycoon keeps a busy schedule. Oprah, Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, they all seem so busy. In today’s world, busy is status. And so the modern mother must keep with the times and stick to her schedule. But must she?

While there may be a variety of mother who smugly equates busy-ness with quality of life, viewing a packed schedule as a sign of success, prosperity, or a thriving family life, we suspect that many of our gentle readers may feel “crazy busy” to the point of being overwhelmed during this end-of-the-school-year season, wondering how exactly did things get this way? What can she do to make it stop?

Though we really don’t have big answers to these big questions (been pretty busy, you know), we can offer a few thoughts on coping with the frenetic feelings of spring. First, do not compete in the busy contest; do not engage in discussions of busy-ness -- your own, your neighbor’s, or Oprah’s. It will only make you feel more anxious. Should someone begin to enumerate her own busy-ness, suppress any impulse (however momentary) to "one-up" her by detailing your own crazy schedule. Second, keep things in perspective. If you’re crazy busy because you have an appointment for a haircut, followed by a thank-you-for-volunteering luncheon, followed by ferrying kids to various and sundry activities, that’s still a pretty nice life, even if it is hard to find time to squeeze in a work out. Finally, like so many things in motherhood, this too shall pass. The sleepless nights of parenting a newborn, the willful tantrums of toddlerhood, and the “crazy busy” season that is spring and fall for parents of school- age children.

With the onset of summer, a well mannered mother can say good bye to the spring busy contest, and hello to the “time for more sunscreen” season, the "sure, you can have a hot dog again" season, or the "maybe, possibly, have time to read a book" season. May we recommend CrazyBusy: Overstretched, Overbooked, and About to Snap!, by Edward M. Hallowell?

Thank You Notes - From Children

What 4 year old is "too busy" to write a thank you note? Exactly. While in some fabulously over-scheduled circles, thank you notes may have become passé, people who know, know that this will not do. Like coaching a child to have passable table manners; training a child to write thank you notes can be excruciating. For younger children, drawing a picture, or signing a name to thoughts dictated to a parent can suffice, but by the time children write complete sentences in school, they are old enough to write their own thank you notes. Some rare children have a natural gift and can toss off charming and honest thank you notes from a young age. Many other children may lay their heads on the table and moan like a colony of lepers at the mention of thank you notes. Best results are achieved when a parent sits with the child and walks her through it. Find a sizable chunk of time when you are relaxed and focused and your child is awake and well nourished (not bedtime). Talk about the gift and the person who gave it: “What did aunt Betsy give you? Did you play with it in the basement yesterday? Does that complete your collection of Magic Tree House books?” The well-mannered mother guides her child to the material for the note, getting the job done, and teaching her children that writing thank you notes is a manageable and possibly enjoyable task. With luck, she will liberate her children to write thank you notes on their own when they are older and less amenable to parental meddling. Though it is tempting to allow children to wallow in the ignorance of a thank-you-note-free life, would you really want your child to become so entitled and boorish?

Crazy Busy

It’s that time of year, not “the holiday season” but the “crazy busy” season, in which everyone from your dog walker to your neighbor will impress upon you just how busy she is. This can be especially true for mothers as they try to balance run-of-the-mill parenting chaos with additional parties, shopping, recitals, visiting relatives, holiday cards and letters. Ask, “How are you?’ and look out for the laundry list response: “Great, but things are so crazy, yesterday was Emme’s holiday concert, but I also had to pick up teacher gifts, and then there was the office holiday party and then today I had my cookie swap. It’s just been crazy busy.” Hmmm. You’re “crazy busy” because of a cookie swap? What exactly is a cookie swap? We all know this variety of mother, who seems to “out-busy” everyone. Mention you’ve got a conflict with a holiday gathering? She’s got two conflicts that very same night! Hard to find time to sit down a get those cards sent out? She’s got it worse! Maybe some mothers view busy-ness as a benchmark of success. Or, perhaps enumerating such busy-ness soothes a mother’s confusion that these many small tasks could make her feel so frantic. Others may use their proclaimed busy-ness as a cover  for lapsed manners such as not RSVPing or writing thank you notes. The well mannered mother does not compete over whose schedule is more hectic. Nor does she use her packed schedule as an excuse for avoiding proper etiquette. Rather than bore her listener with a litany of events attended, gift purchased, etc., she will engage her companion cheerfully as befits the season. Maybe then, she can take a deep breath and actually enjoy a good cookie swap.