Tis the Season to be Fabulous

We have written about holiday cards before.  And while most of us are scrambling to simply find a picture in which all parties are a) in the frame and b) bonus - looking at the camera; we have heard that some modern mothers view Holiday Greetings as a competitive event.   Lucky for this type of modern mother there is a new invention that may soon make the Holiday Letter obsolete.  Now she can brattle away without superfluous words or pleasantries.  Now she can say it with metrics.  This particular option from beloved site Minted may be placed on the back or front of the card.

 Image from Minted.com

 The not so organized/competitive modern mother may wonder, does the world really need to know about your new kitchen or how many brownies you baked?  Perhaps it is more subtle than saying "I am an exceptional mother and will do anything for my very talented children.  Speaking of my children,  James hit 7 home runs and Natalie starred in the school musical. Oh and btw Ted has a fancy new job."

So where do we go from here?  Will next year's model say: $450 base plus $1.6 Bonus? 14 deals closed in 2013 propelling Sally to Senior Managing Director?  45MM in Amex points earned on our 4 exotic global vacations? 

How about:  2 Turkeys bought for the Greater Boston Food Bank;  1 day spent at the Women's Lunch Place;  6 old toys given to Cradles to Crayons?  Not quite as catchy is it?

Sometimes in these days of constant sharing, less is still more.

Santa: Don't ask, don't tell?

For families who celebrate Christmas, Santa can be a pleasant diversion and a means for promoting good behavior, when children are young. But as they get older, the family might settle into an uneasy equilibrium. The children are old enough to know better: they couldn’t possibly believe that a man could deliver presents to millions of homes in a single night, powered by a few flying animals. Yet, perhaps, they are also wise enough to not question the clandestine delivery of presents which do not require a thank you note!  It might be hard for a modern mother to know: Do they know? Or not? Will they be humiliated in eighth grade when they are the last of their classmates to discover the truth?  Should we sit them down for a talk?

When there are multiple children of different ages, it becomes even more complicated.  If an older child asks directly, “Is Santa real?” in the presence of his younger siblings, the modern mother faces a conundrum: spill the beans to all of the the children, or lie to her 8/9/10 year old.  Alternatively,  she could take an existential approach: “If Santa doesn’t exist, then he can’t bring you presents, so if you would like to take that risk, you may.” And thus, the whole Santa thing evolves into a “don’t ask; don’t tell” situation.  Healthy? We’re not so sure. Effective? Yes. The older children become complicit in the Santa phenomenon, or maybe they just suspend disbelief for a few more years. Either way, the show can go on, even if it includes a knowing wink. 

* Santa image from allposters.com 

The Travails and Triumphs of Trimming the Tree

When the time comes to deck the halls, the modern mother might like to imagine venturing into a forest  with a husband dressed in plaid, ax in hand. Their cheerful children would carol as they stomp through the snow, with rosy cheeks and frosty breath.

In reality, though, the process of taking a large woody plant from curbside to living room, can be, well, excruciating. For the suburban family, it may typically involve a cash exchange in a corner parking lot, some swearing and/or sweating as the tree is transported, multiple “straightenings” which require at least one adult person to lie belly down on the carpet, suffering a hailstorm of evergreen needles, which of course leads to more swearing.  And all this, before a strand of lights or a single ornament have been added.  

Once the tree is officially positioned, the modern mother can breathe a sigh of relief and let the melee begin. Nevermind, the tangled strings of lights, the crushed or broken ornaments, and/or the fact that all adornments will end up on the bottom third of the tree.  Her children are laughing.  They are remembering holidays of past years. Most importantly, they are not fighting.  

As the ruckus proceeds, the well-mannered mother can collapse in a chair, hum along to some holiday music, look from the shining lights on the tree to the shining faces of her children, and marvel at how exhausting and exhilarating this business of mothering can be.  

* photo from proforged via flickr

Friday Frivolity - Holiday Card Therapy

No one looking in the same direction?  Eyes crossed?  legs uncrossed? One sibling giving the other bunny ears?  Or the bird?  No matter how unmannerly the modern mother may think her own attempts at Holiday Cards she can take comfort, and hopefully have a good laugh, looking at the brilliant website Awkward Family Photos.  Don't miss the cat picture.

Photo from Awkward Family Photos obviously

Crazy Busy

It’s that time of year, not “the holiday season” but the “crazy busy” season, in which everyone from your dog walker to your neighbor will impress upon you just how busy she is. This can be especially true for mothers as they try to balance run-of-the-mill parenting chaos with additional parties, shopping, recitals, visiting relatives, holiday cards and letters. Ask, “How are you?’ and look out for the laundry list response: “Great, but things are so crazy, yesterday was Emme’s holiday concert, but I also had to pick up teacher gifts, and then there was the office holiday party and then today I had my cookie swap. It’s just been crazy busy.” Hmmm. You’re “crazy busy” because of a cookie swap? What exactly is a cookie swap? We all know this variety of mother, who seems to “out-busy” everyone. Mention you’ve got a conflict with a holiday gathering? She’s got two conflicts that very same night! Hard to find time to sit down a get those cards sent out? She’s got it worse! Maybe some mothers view busy-ness as a benchmark of success. Or, perhaps enumerating such busy-ness soothes a mother’s confusion that these many small tasks could make her feel so frantic. Others may use their proclaimed busy-ness as a cover  for lapsed manners such as not RSVPing or writing thank you notes. The well mannered mother does not compete over whose schedule is more hectic. Nor does she use her packed schedule as an excuse for avoiding proper etiquette. Rather than bore her listener with a litany of events attended, gift purchased, etc., she will engage her companion cheerfully as befits the season. Maybe then, she can take a deep breath and actually enjoy a good cookie swap.

Invitations

Too often these days, not so well mannered mothers include their children in all occasions and impose them on hosts who have not invited them. The well-mannered mother should never take a child to an event if the child’s name is not written on the invitation. Nor is it acceptable to phone and ask to have one's children included. We can assure you, the hostess did not forget to include your offspring on the invitation - she has planned an adult party, so no chicken nuggets, no juice boxes, no crayons, no videos, and no one ready to entertain a 5 year old, no matter how adorable. Please trust that your hostess knows what she is doing and who she intends to receive in her home. The well mannered mother or her spouse must forgo the event if she can or will not find a sitter. And think about it: would it really be fun to stand around at a cocktail party, trying to keep darling Emma and brother Max from coloring the couch, sticking their fingers into the dip, or pulling down the curtains? Really.

Teacher Gifts

"A nice note or a picture from a student" is what one teacher said when asked what she most liked to receive around the holidays. Another teacher suggested "Spa treatments are always welcome." Another reasonable response might be, "Cold hard cash - do you have any idea how little we get paid to deal with these crazy kids?" but we couldn't find any teacher ill-mannered enough to admit it. The well mannered mother should trust her instincts and knowledge about the teacher: if the teacher maintains an avid interest in all things British, give some English tea and clotted cream; for an avid film-goer, give movies passes; and of course chocolate for the chocolate lover. As with hostess gifts, if you feel the need to give something tangible, try to keep teacher gifts useful, tasteful, and consumable. (Nix the "world's greatest teacher" coffee mug.) Some of our favorite ideas include: teas or coffee, itunes gift cards, book store gift cards, vouchers for a carwash, or a gift card to a store you know she frequents. Whatever you choose, remember to comply with the social norms around you. For instance, if everyone is giving $20 for a Starbucks gift card, do not rush out and buy the teacher an espresso machine. The objective is not to impress other parents or garner favoritism for your child but to thank the teacher for his hard work and wish him a happy holiday. Keep in mind that it is not the gift that matters, but the manner in which it is delivered. Make it personal. Wrap it up with a note, a picture, or card, made by your child and attach your own genuine note of thanks.

Holiday Letter

Some people genuinely enjoy catching up through a family update letter, but these odd missives rank just under fruitcake in the list of Christmas-related jokes. For those who feel the need to include a letter with their annual holiday card, we offer a few words of advice: (1) Keep it short: even those who like to read those letters won’t make it past the first page. (2) Avoid excessive bragging. Though you might want to report that Hayley will be attending Harvard, do refrain from reporting that Hayley has chosen to attend Harvard since she “was admitted to every college she applied to!” Not only is that excessive bragging, it is also incorrect grammar. (3) Avoid referring to yourself in the third person unless you want to sound like Bob Dole or Elmo. (4) Keep things in perspective. A blow-by-blow account of your cat’s surgery is definitely too much information. Just say you are thankful that she made it through successfully. Keep these suggestions in mind and all your readers will be thankful and maybe even make it through your letter successfully.