Burgeoning Bragging Wars? Or facebook failure?

Ah, bragging. Parental boastfulness has remained a favored topic here at Manners for Modern Mothers. Whether general bragging, bragging about eating habits, or even the terminology of bragging, such showing off is a precarious parental situation which we have revisited time and again.

Apparently, we are not alone. In “A Truce in the Bragging Wars” the New York Times reports mommy blogs have declared war on parental bragging and offers nine guidelines for “acceptable chest thumping.” Assuming one must brag at all, we applaud the suggestion that a parent should brag about the child not his/her parenting prowess, and agree that grandparents are an excellent audience.  However, we retain some reservations about the idea of offsetting boasts with admissions of shortcomings, as children will inevitably overhear and might not like to have parents report on bed-wetting habits, even if it is mentioned in conjunction with their perfect SAT scores. Above all, we have to wonder, can’t one strive to take the high road and remain above this fray?

Instead of raving about one's own offspring, perhaps we should remember to ask, "and, how is your family?" Of course, that would mean an actual conversation, not just status updates on facebook. Perhaps the problem is not one of bragging but changing communication and the prevalence of facebook/twitter/social media. On Motherlode, K.J, Dell'Antonia suggests that parents weary of excessive bragging might want to change their facebook feeds to see different friends. We might even go so far as to suggest that if it leaves you vaguely disgruntled, or makes you feel like an inadequate parent of underaccomplished children, then go cold turkey. Just don't forget to sign up for Manners for Modern Mothers by email: no vacation pictures, no reports of prizes won, and no brattling, just a few attempts at humor, the ocasional rant, and an ongoing discussion of manners in the modern world.

Tis the Season to be Fabulous

We have written about holiday cards before.  And while most of us are scrambling to simply find a picture in which all parties are a) in the frame and b) bonus - looking at the camera; we have heard that some modern mothers view Holiday Greetings as a competitive event.   Lucky for this type of modern mother there is a new invention that may soon make the Holiday Letter obsolete.  Now she can brattle away without superfluous words or pleasantries.  Now she can say it with metrics.  This particular option from beloved site Minted may be placed on the back or front of the card.

 Image from Minted.com

 The not so organized/competitive modern mother may wonder, does the world really need to know about your new kitchen or how many brownies you baked?  Perhaps it is more subtle than saying "I am an exceptional mother and will do anything for my very talented children.  Speaking of my children,  James hit 7 home runs and Natalie starred in the school musical. Oh and btw Ted has a fancy new job."

So where do we go from here?  Will next year's model say: $450 base plus $1.6 Bonus? 14 deals closed in 2013 propelling Sally to Senior Managing Director?  45MM in Amex points earned on our 4 exotic global vacations? 

How about:  2 Turkeys bought for the Greater Boston Food Bank;  1 day spent at the Women's Lunch Place;  6 old toys given to Cradles to Crayons?  Not quite as catchy is it?

Sometimes in these days of constant sharing, less is still more.

Please Excuse the Brattling

After stumbling across That Should Be a Word, in the most recent New York Times magazine, a modern mother might feel a mixture of amusement, curiosity and chagrin. The column offers three neologisms: (1) brattle (to discuss one’s children at length), (2) spamily (Facebook or Twitter updates about kids) and (3) spawntourage (a group of approaching strollers). All these terms are admittedly funny. Who hasn’t had to pinch herself to stay awake through a fellow parent's enumeration of nap schedules and dietary preferences? Who hasn’t scrolled right by the Facebook photos of a college acquaintance’s children? Who hasn't felt pushed aside by multiple strollers spanning a narrow sidewalk?

The modern mother snickers, but she might also frown at the tinge of hostility towards children and families. Are there really people out there who roll their eyes at the sight of several strollers passing? Who are these anti-children people? Do they sit around in cafes smoking, writing screenplays, and snarling at passing infants? Do they wear berets? Trucker hats? Do they have bushy hipster beards? Do they all live in Manhattan? (Because, last we heard Brooklyn had been taken over by young families, come to think of it, Manhattan too.)

Whatever the authors of these neologisms are like, wherever they live, anti-child sentiments are not frequently visible in the suburban enclaves inhabited by this modern mother. Perhaps that's a good thing. Or possibly not.

Being cocooned in a child-centric culture just might leave many parents vulnerable to the impression that their darlings are universally adored and admired. Could it give modern parents the idea that it’s appropriate to bring children to any and all events? Does it leave some parents unaware of the possibility that the view of a toddler smearing his dinner across table linens might detract from another diner’s fine dining experience? Or worse.

Perhaps it is just such cluelessness that has incited any child-hostile sentiments lurking in the child-free majority. So, thank you, New York Times, for that little bit of humor and that small reality check to parents out there. Or at least the ones who have the time to read the Sunday magazine.