The Un-Popularity Contest

“Thomas, be careful!” calls a mother and another mother asks, “Oh, is your toddler named Thomas?” After an affirmative response, she may continue, “My 11 year old is named Thomas.” And her eyes mist over as she recalls her own son as a toddler.

“I guess it’s getting popular,” replies the first mother. 

An odd response, in an awkward situation. “I guess it’s getting popular?” Yes, an odd response to be sure, but one overheard by this author more than a few times. With the internet, of course, the popularity of a name can be easily assessed and undoubtedly, many parents did check the lists of popular baby names upon naming their child. So why, then, do so many of them appear uncomfortable with the idea that they may have chosen a “popular” name for their bundle of joy? Has the naming of a child become a contest whereby parents vie to select the most un-popular name? 

Our well mannered readers doubtless avoid all parental contests of one-upmanship, yet we do recognize that the mention of another child with an identical name can sometimes be an awkward bump in conversation. How, exactly, does one respond to an idle comment like, "Oh, my cousin's baby is named Abigail, too!" It helps to recognize that an acquaintance may mention a child of the same name out of fondness or lack of anything else to say. A friendly nod and something a simple as, “Well, we certainly like the name!” or, “That’s nice.” should suffice. Remember, you chose a name you love, and now you love the child even more, popular name, or not.  

A Shame about that Name

People choose from a wide variety of names for their children these days: traditional names, place names, obscure ethnic names and, of course, made up names. Some names may bring back memories of the mean neighborhood kid who liked to play with matches. Some names may sound more appropriate for a car than a child. (Use your imagination.) Others may be a bit baffling (Wmffre?) Whatever the name, the well mannered mother never discloses her negative reaction. Where an ill-mannered mother might say, “Ugh! the last Zeus I knew weighed 400 pounds,” the well manned mother would say, “How wonderful to have a classical name.” And when introduced to darling newborn, Eithne, the well mannered mother may say, “What a lovely name, tell me how you chose it.” Whatever the conundrum, you can't go wrong with admiring the baby.

The Name Game

It is the rare adult who truly appreciates being addressed as "Hey, Betty" by a five year-old; especially when he is her son. The well mannered modern mother knows that no matter how egalitarian or evolved she is in her own abode (or commune) when meeting new adults a polite child should address them as Mrs., Ms., Mr. or Doctor unless expressly asked by the adult to whom she is speaking to do otherwise. This tried and true convention should be seen not as means of repressing a brilliant and precocious child but as a way of making other adults fell comfortable and respected by your children. The well mannered modern mother realizes there are really not that many adults who consider people under 18 their social or intellectual equals. She will at times even reflect upon the interesting fact that even Karl Marx, father of Communism and defender of the proletariate, addressed the workers of the world as "Comrade Vladamir" not just "Vladamir".