Thanks a lot Time Magazine.

Presumably by now, unless she lives under a rock on the moon, the modern mother has seen the cover of this week's Time Magazine.  And yet, at this point dear savvy, mannerly readers, what can one say?  Congratulations Time Magazine you've won the week.  Victory is yours.  The LA Times got it right on Friday when it wrote "Time Magazine breastfeeding cover: A shocking 'stroke of genius.'"  Brilliant.  Just when we all thought the ennui was complete.  What could possibly be left to say on the subject of motherhood?  Tiger, French, Attached, Detached, Skinned Knee - we had heard it all.  But somehow the sight of an attractive 26 year-old model (as in runway) mother nursing her three year-old son who is standing on a chair, managed to get everyone in a lather once more. 

Or did it? Aside from a male friend who got a big laugh when he asked at dinner on Friday "Do you think that's really her kid?" everyone else we know has chalked it up to fringe believers lacking in decorum and a magazine looking for newsstand revenue.  After all, how many average mothers have the luxury of making this choice in the first place?  As we checked in with some of our favorite mainstream media parenting sites (Motherload, Huffington Post, The Juggle)  none of these writers  really had anything very heated to say about the whole thing either.  Like most moderate mothers these writers seemed  tired of the whole debate and probably needed to do something else like get some sleep, go to work, make dinner or write about someone with a real problem.  Because, let's face it, having the luxury to choose whether you can make your bed and person completely available to a child for five years is a pretty high-class problem to have. 

I would like to go on the record as saying I believe that the mothers in Time Magazine are exploiting their children for the sake of their own agenda and I feel sorry for those children that they will grow up with this notoriety.

 If you are looking for a nice dose of sanity try this take on the whole silliness by Boston writer Kara Baskin.

Don't Do Anything!

Like the philosophical argument that sometimes not making a decision is in fact a decision in itself;  is it possible (we are asking here) that at times the best thing a well mannered mother can do is nothing at all?  Certainly there will be times when a mother does not care for her young child's choice of smarty mouthed friend.  Or think that her child is not spending his free time is a worthwhile way.  Or wish that he had thought longer and differently about a certain homework answer.  In these and practically any other situation a modern mother has the ability to 'do something' to change these things.  She can attempt to 'manage' the friendship by making her child unavailable or pointing out the flaws in his choice of companions  (N.B. often the stamp of parental disapproval is all a child need to find someone truly cool).  She can enroll him in more activities so his free time is not "wasted" in her opinion.  And she can reasonably and calmly sit down with her child and explain at length why he should re-do his homework to produce the answer she thinks is best.

Sure it may be exhausting but what is the alternative?   Trusting that her child will eventually figure out what he needs in a friend?   Letting her child come to her with a proposal of how he would like to spend his free time?  Letting him get a bad grade on a homework assignment?   But then what?  By that time he may not be in the popular crowd or have missed the opportunity to play ice hockey or not gotten into that ivy league school.  At which point his life will be over.   Or, maybe, let's look on the bright side for a moment, maybe he will emerge a confident, capable, happy person who did not spend his youth being molded into someone else's idea of a successful person.   Plus, maybe the well mannered modern mother can relax for a while  and take comfort in believing that doing nothing is really doing something after all. *

*This advice does not apply to truly dangerous or destructive behavior.  In such cases a parent should absolutely get involved and help her/his child in any way possible.