Most modern mothers recognize that the world of youth sports has gotten out of control. Nine year-olds play hockey year round. Or soccer. Or swim team. Eleven year olds suffer stress fractures, tendinitis, and repetitive stress injuries. And, the parents? The parents make themselves crazy shuttling children to practices all week and trekking to distant tournaments on weekends; they give up on a family dinner hour when faced with the demands of multiple youth sports schedules; and, we won't even begin with those rare, but notoriously ill-mannered parents known for their appalling parenting strategies,shouting expletives, and fighting.
What is the goal of youth sports? To instill a life-long love of exercise? To allow children to experience the camaraderie of a team? Clearly, those goals could be accomplished in less intensive programs. Is the goal to help them attain admission to an elite college, i.e., get them" recruited" to Harvard? There are ample statistics to demonstrate the slim chances of post-high school athletic glory, though this might be a motivation for some.
Why do we sign on for these punishing schedules? Are we doing it because everyone else is doing it? We just can’t stop ourselves? A child wants to play basketball, even likes to play basketball. We sign him up. The team practices twice a week and his team loses every game to teams that practice 4 times a week, and it's no fun to lose every game. What is the solution? Practice more! Thus, the vicious cycle begins, the arms race of youth sports programs. Well, its time to de-escalate.
So, when her 10 year old, who has been playing ice hockey three to five times a week since October, says, “I'm kind of tired can I skip practice tonight?” this modern mother might surprise herself by saying yes. She agrees, despite the fact that she believes strongly in honoring one's commitments. She will not worry about raising someone to think its acceptable to renege, she will remember she is raising someone who can recognize when he has reached his limit. She will instead feel satisfied with taking one small step towards fighting the exponential intensification of youth sports. Her next step should be to seek out a team with a lighter practice schedule. She should find that about the same time she discovers a unicorn or the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Don't Do Anything!
Like the philosophical argument that sometimes not making a decision is in fact a decision in itself; is it possible (we are asking here) that at times the best thing a well mannered mother can do is nothing at all? Certainly there will be times when a mother does not care for her young child's choice of smarty mouthed friend. Or think that her child is not spending his free time is a worthwhile way. Or wish that he had thought longer and differently about a certain homework answer. In these and practically any other situation a modern mother has the ability to 'do something' to change these things. She can attempt to 'manage' the friendship by making her child unavailable or pointing out the flaws in his choice of companions (N.B. often the stamp of parental disapproval is all a child need to find someone truly cool). She can enroll him in more activities so his free time is not "wasted" in her opinion. And she can reasonably and calmly sit down with her child and explain at length why he should re-do his homework to produce the answer she thinks is best.
Sure it may be exhausting but what is the alternative? Trusting that her child will eventually figure out what he needs in a friend? Letting her child come to her with a proposal of how he would like to spend his free time? Letting him get a bad grade on a homework assignment? But then what? By that time he may not be in the popular crowd or have missed the opportunity to play ice hockey or not gotten into that ivy league school. At which point his life will be over. Or, maybe, let's look on the bright side for a moment, maybe he will emerge a confident, capable, happy person who did not spend his youth being molded into someone else's idea of a successful person. Plus, maybe the well mannered modern mother can relax for a while and take comfort in believing that doing nothing is really doing something after all. *
*This advice does not apply to truly dangerous or destructive behavior. In such cases a parent should absolutely get involved and help her/his child in any way possible.
Sure it may be exhausting but what is the alternative? Trusting that her child will eventually figure out what he needs in a friend? Letting her child come to her with a proposal of how he would like to spend his free time? Letting him get a bad grade on a homework assignment? But then what? By that time he may not be in the popular crowd or have missed the opportunity to play ice hockey or not gotten into that ivy league school. At which point his life will be over. Or, maybe, let's look on the bright side for a moment, maybe he will emerge a confident, capable, happy person who did not spend his youth being molded into someone else's idea of a successful person. Plus, maybe the well mannered modern mother can relax for a while and take comfort in believing that doing nothing is really doing something after all. *
*This advice does not apply to truly dangerous or destructive behavior. In such cases a parent should absolutely get involved and help her/his child in any way possible.
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