An Audible Diversion

Why does the typical stay-at-home mother spend so much of her day in the car? An age old question, to be sure, but one which we will not attempt to address, though we have an inkling it might be related to the “busy contest.”

Instead, we present a diversion, a salve, a treat for the mother who finds herself constantly driving to and fro, on her way to pick up, to drop off, to bring someone forgotten shoes.  We present the audio book, in it’s 21st century form: audible.com. It’s like net flix for books: you pay a monthly fee to download an audio book (or 2) a month. Download it to your phone and then you are never without your book (assuming you, like I, are never without your phone.) Listen when you walk, run, or clean out the attic, but most of all listen during all those boring hours in the car.

Having plowed through all 500+ “pages” of Cloud Atlas last month, I am clearly an enthusiast, though I did not receive any freebies or compensation from Audible for this post.  I’m just thrilled to find my driving time has become literary, and I'm feeling ever so slightly more erudite.

The Art of Correspondence

I had been hoping to write a post about various scintillating topics today but instead find my writing time absorbed by correspondence with the Office of the Parking Clerk in The City of Lynn, a charming hamlet to the north of us.  So, since I have run out of time I give you my parking letter:

Office of the Parking Clerk
City of Lynn
Lynn City Hall – Room 102
Lynn, MA 01902

Dear Sir/Madam:

You will see from the attached document and copy of check # 3027 that I had attempted to pay this parking fine on March 24, 2012. I received the ticket on March 12, 2012 as I was in Lynn shopping at Zimman’s, which I am sorry to say, does not seem to have the same selection it used to.

 I left Zimman’s and discovered that my meter had run out and that I had received a parking ticket.  I put the ticket in my purse and have never seen it since.  Once I realized I had lost the original ticket, I called your office twice to find out the amount that I owed.  Both times I was told that there was no record of my ticket.  The lady I spoke with on the second occasion gave me your address and said I could send a check if I wanted.  As you will see that check was returned to me by your office on March 27, 2012.

The letter I received two days ago dated 6/12/2012 headed **Drivers License and Registration Non-renewal Action Pending** inviting me to appear before the hearing officer on Wednesday, June 27, 2012 if I do not send $20 before then says “Final Notice” on it.  To be clear, this is the first I have heard from the Office of the Parking Clerk, City of Lynn since my original check was returned on March 27, 2012.   Additionally it says that my ticket V59737 was issued 04/02/12 at 12:39 PM.  As mentioned above, I was not in Lynn that day but an enclosing $20 for my violation of March 12, 2012.

Sincerely,

The Soundtrack of your Life

There comes a time in every mother’s life where she has to make a difficult decision -- a life-altering decision about the very-nature of her family life. A choice that will set the tone and the tune for road trips, mornings in the kitchen, evenings cooking dinner, and many moments in between. Should she embrace music recorded and marketed specifically for children and families (Disney movie soundtracks, Kidz Rock, Laurie Berkner) or follow her own musical interests? She must choose: Raffi family? Or Rolling Stones family?

In contemplating this far-reaching decision, she may hear statements like, “Its really not that bad!” or even, “Its pretty cute!” from parents who profess to take pleasure in “music that both parents and children can enjoy!” These may be the very same parents who can be seen happily singing along to Sesame Street Platinum as they drive around with their 6 month old. They may be the parents who can belt out the Wiggles’ “Toot, Toot, Chugga Chugga Big Red Car” without a trace of irony, self-doubt, or embarrassment. A mother who sees herself this way can declare her intentions to be a Raffi family, invest in the entire Sesame Street Song collection, and sing along to her heart’s content.

A mother less certain of her proclivities may instead choose to peruse album and song titles, where she will undoubtedly see words like, “Tummy” and “Yummy” with a few animal sounds thrown in for good measure. (“Moo!”) Should the song titles and her sense of personal dignity not deter her from embracing kids’ music, she should be forewarned that it’s a slippery slope. Much like deciding to go with the minivan, once you go down this road, it may be hard to return. In the case of children’s music, its not the “convenience” that keeps a family hooked, but the whining children in the backseat, calling “please, just play “willaby wallaby” one more time!” and the parents who are understandably so desperate to calm the frenzy that they willingly relenquish all musical control.

Of course, choosing to follow your own musical interests is not without its drawbacks. A well mannered mother may be frequently forced to forward to the next song or get comfortable hearing her 4 year old quietly sing, “I wanna be sedated” while doing a puzzle. And she’s not likely to have much luck convincing him that the lyrics are actually “I wanna be successful.” Even with a 4 year old. In no time at all, a mother of independent musical tastes may find herself cornered, and asked, “Mom, what’s an amphetamine?” At that point, she might reconsider the Grateful Dead steal your face onsie and coordinated baby-sized rasta tam that she found so cute only a few short years ago.

So, how is a well mannered mother to maintain both musical and parental standards? (Not to mention her dignity.) We suggest she take the time to enjoy R.E.M. on Sesame Street, or the Shins on Yo Gabba Gabba. Find those “real” musicians making “real” music for families and children. Sift through her existing music collection, and music new to her, for safe songs and make family playlists. Because it would be better to be listening to Drivin’ n Cryin’ in the car than to actually be driving and crying.

You may find yourself

From time to time the well mannered mother may find herself driving a car much larger than she ever wanted to own, full of yelling children, a few of whom are hers, to an activity in which she has zero personal interest. In the immortal words of The Talking Heads, "Well, how did I get here?" It might also happen that her not so well mannered daughter in the back row is terrorizing her son who is screaming like a Banshee in the second row while their respective friends look on in delight. It might even be that there is another mother in the passenger seat who is probably thinking something like "Did she say she writes a blog about manners? Oh my, how ironic." But the well mannered mother drives on knowing that some day her children will be safely deposited at any wonderful boarding school that will take them. At that point she will miss these hectic times as she scoots around town in her Mini Cooper, alone with her thoughts and her music. Yeah right.