The Soundtrack of your Life

There comes a time in every mother’s life where she has to make a difficult decision -- a life-altering decision about the very-nature of her family life. A choice that will set the tone and the tune for road trips, mornings in the kitchen, evenings cooking dinner, and many moments in between. Should she embrace music recorded and marketed specifically for children and families (Disney movie soundtracks, Kidz Rock, Laurie Berkner) or follow her own musical interests? She must choose: Raffi family? Or Rolling Stones family?

In contemplating this far-reaching decision, she may hear statements like, “Its really not that bad!” or even, “Its pretty cute!” from parents who profess to take pleasure in “music that both parents and children can enjoy!” These may be the very same parents who can be seen happily singing along to Sesame Street Platinum as they drive around with their 6 month old. They may be the parents who can belt out the Wiggles’ “Toot, Toot, Chugga Chugga Big Red Car” without a trace of irony, self-doubt, or embarrassment. A mother who sees herself this way can declare her intentions to be a Raffi family, invest in the entire Sesame Street Song collection, and sing along to her heart’s content.

A mother less certain of her proclivities may instead choose to peruse album and song titles, where she will undoubtedly see words like, “Tummy” and “Yummy” with a few animal sounds thrown in for good measure. (“Moo!”) Should the song titles and her sense of personal dignity not deter her from embracing kids’ music, she should be forewarned that it’s a slippery slope. Much like deciding to go with the minivan, once you go down this road, it may be hard to return. In the case of children’s music, its not the “convenience” that keeps a family hooked, but the whining children in the backseat, calling “please, just play “willaby wallaby” one more time!” and the parents who are understandably so desperate to calm the frenzy that they willingly relenquish all musical control.

Of course, choosing to follow your own musical interests is not without its drawbacks. A well mannered mother may be frequently forced to forward to the next song or get comfortable hearing her 4 year old quietly sing, “I wanna be sedated” while doing a puzzle. And she’s not likely to have much luck convincing him that the lyrics are actually “I wanna be successful.” Even with a 4 year old. In no time at all, a mother of independent musical tastes may find herself cornered, and asked, “Mom, what’s an amphetamine?” At that point, she might reconsider the Grateful Dead steal your face onsie and coordinated baby-sized rasta tam that she found so cute only a few short years ago.

So, how is a well mannered mother to maintain both musical and parental standards? (Not to mention her dignity.) We suggest she take the time to enjoy R.E.M. on Sesame Street, or the Shins on Yo Gabba Gabba. Find those “real” musicians making “real” music for families and children. Sift through her existing music collection, and music new to her, for safe songs and make family playlists. Because it would be better to be listening to Drivin’ n Cryin’ in the car than to actually be driving and crying.

Swearing like a Sailor... at Seven?

Some rainy afternoon, a well mannered mother may come upon her children whispering conspiratorially, while listening to the Black Eyed Peas' “My Humps” on a CD she foolishly allowed them to borrow from the public library. “Shhh… here… its here! Listen!” one child says to the other and they bend their heads close to the speaker, and their eyes flicker in recognition, when they hear the lyric, “…all that ass inside those jeans...” Never mind that the song is dreadfully inappropriate for so many reasons besides the language. Never mind that this is probably not the first time they’ve heard a swear word. Never mind that the song is just really, really bad. Even annoying.

The mother recognizes her children are focused on the language and this is a “teachable moment.” Though she may be tempted to pretend she doesn’t see them, she has no excuse. The house is reasonably quiet; its not bedtime, homework time, or get-out-the-door-we’re late-for-school time. The only problem is that she’s not entirely sure how, exactly, she should address swearing.

She briefly considers confiscating the CD, disapproving loudly and continuing about her business, imagining that her children’s world is and will remain PBS kids, Raffi, and homemade cookies. Next, she considers postponing any discussions with a deft “re-direct,” and a comment like, “Oh you want to hear funny song? Have you ever heard of Weird Al Yankovic?” But she decides to save the powerful tool of Weird Al for a more desperate parenting occasion.

So she takes her mother in-law’s advice (really!) and tries to address the language issue head on. Casually as possible, she asks, “oh are you listening for the part where they say, ‘ass’?” (Yes, if your mother can say “ass,” it can’t be that cool or dangerous.) Then she explains, “Most adults find swear word offensive, especially coming from children,” adding, “I don’t care if you use those words, but I would be really disappointed if you were to use those words in front of other children and adults.” Voila! Words (hopefully) de-mystified, expectations defined. The well mannered mother can only hope that they are met. Meanwhile, she braces herself for the moment when her toddler, eavesdropping from the next room, starts swearing like a sailor.