Friday Frivolity - Drama in the First Person

I was just thinking, I could use a little less drama these days, and then friend Karsten showed me this.   Brilliant.

P.S.
No offense Don but I'm just not that into you anymore.  I know there are loads of women out there who don't mind you taking a powder for 17 months  but apparently I'm not one of them.   So, now that you're back, guess what?  I don't care.  No giddy anticipation, no butterflies, no Zou Bisou Bisou here.  Seeing you again has mostly just reminded me why we stopped seeing each other in the first place.   You have the same old issues and seem to have picked up a couple of new ones since we last met.  So thanks for the good times, please tell Joanie "Well done, it's about time" and I hope to see you some evening once we're all caught up on Modern Family.

Friday Frivolity - The Downton Effect

What is it about Downton Abby, the wildly successful BBC Miniseries currently in its second season on Masterpiece Classic?  Laurel Ann of the blog Austen Prose describes the show's allure in this wonderful piece.  This modern mother knows she just can't get enough. 

At its core the series is about the house and what this generation of Cawleys will do to preserve it.  And honestly, given the beauty of the place, can one blame them?  Set in Edwardian England prior to and during WWI the story has it all.  Upstairs, downstairs, intrigue, romance, soldiers, communists, dreamers, heiresses, nurses and, possibly best of all, Maggie Smith as the determined Dowager Countess of Grantham.

Acknowledging the show's win for best Miniseries at the Golden Globes and the 4.2 million US viewers (more than Mad Men!) who tuned in live for the PBS premier of Season II in January - what's going on here?  Ben East takes a stab at explaining this phenomenon here.  He is right of course, it is a wonderful story, with a ending yet unknown.  Julian Fellowes, the creator of the show as well as the fab movie Gosford Park is at the height of his art form.  But why now?  And why in America?  It can't be just the 1% watching, now can it?

We have a theory, of course.  After years of "reality" TV, Americans are ready for a bit of decorum.  The viewing public (this probably does not include you, dear reader - being a bit more highbrow than the average viewer)  has discovered that a story can be compelling when the characters are elegantly dresses, and totally lacking in tatoos.  There is something very heartening (we believe) in watching characters struggle to contain emotion in the face of adversity rather than throwing a tantrum.

So whatever draws you to Downton Abby we hope you have as much fun with it as we're having.

Happy Weekend.

Pictures from Google Images

Stop the Draft!

We have written before about the most polite way in which a well mannered modern mother can decline a volunteer opportunity.  However, in that post we mistakenly assumed that "no meant no."  But it has recently been brought to our attention that there is a certain volunteer elite (let us call her the alpha mother) completely impervious to rejection.  Our source tells us that after she, a well mannered mother, politely but firmly told the alpha mother she could not help with a project;  manila files arrived in her mailbox and an email of her acceptance was sent to the wider community.   Nervy, we know.  And sneaky too.

So, now what?  Lest we forget, being well mannered does not mean being a push-over and anyone who mistakes a polite demeanor for a timid or compliant nature had better look out.  This is the point at which the mannerly mother must demonstrate the iron hand beneath the velvet glove, and not put up with such artifice.  We recommend an email responding to the alpha's email to the wider audience politely pointing out her mistake. (i.e. Dear Madame X, I am terribly sorry that you mistook my refusal to chair the Sunny Hill Spring Dance in the attached email of September 8th, as an affirmation...)   We all know sometimes it takes a village to keep things running smoothly and if a school-wide event such as a fair is taking place every parent should, if possible, help out.  But remember you are no one's Girl Friday.

It is the psychology of this behavior that is most interesting.  Does the alpha mother assume that because we or our children belong to a certain community, we are obligated to give back how and when she wants us too?  Or does she feel manipulated into a role and so assumes she has the right to manipulate other people in the same way?  Or maybe she has simply found that  ignoring people's protests is the most effective way to get them to do what she wants.   Yes, well, as Peggy Olson recently said to Don Draper's weepy secretary "Your problem is not my problem." So, while it may take a village,  the alpha mother's problems are not your problems and your life and your time are your own to manage as you see fit.

Design by Anne Taintor

It's Not Polite to Stare

But really, given the dashing looks of Don and Roger and the downright demented behavior of Betty in the Season 4 premier of Mad Men last night, what else can a well mannered modern mother do?  Apparently, quite a bit.  She could catch up on seasons 1-3 in no time via this link.  See what Don's head shot would look like in the Wall Street Journal circa 1964 or better yet Mad Men Herself and create her own Mad Men character (avatar) for home and social networking.  She could buy the kiddies the soon to be limited edition Mad Men Barbies or simply sit back and revel in Peggy's new hairdo.  Whatever you do, have fun, stay calm, and remember that a) Betty Draper is no maternal role model and b) the well mannered modern mother would never start a fight over a ham in the grocery store.

To Barbie or not to Barbie:

that is the question, which has gripped many a post-feminist modern mother of young daughters for years and years. In the anti-Barbie camp are the arguments of ‘they are cheap, tacky, and the clothing is appalling,’ or the ever popular ‘they objectify women and focus on appearances rather than intellect and achievements.’ Both unassailably true, although we have yet to see an inanimate doll that espouses intellectual growth. Naturally, those savvy subversive doll marketers are well aware of these points of view and have been working tirelessly to bring us the Lilly Pulitzerand Juicy Couture Barbies in recent years. However, since we have still not seen Investment Banking and Nobel Prize winning Barbie, many have argued the intellectual Barbie gap remained. Until now. Soon the well mannered modern mother will be able to procure at considerable expense four Barbie dolls with brains, unparalleled Machiavellian tendencies and fabulous style. That’s right, the Mad Men Barbies are due out this July. And so, well mannered daughters will no longer have to suffer with brainless tacky barbies. Going forward these lovely young ladies will be able to play with smart, dastardly, adulterous, flawlessly dressed 60's Madison Avenue and Suburban Housewife Barbies. Progress is wonderful.

Committees

If and when the modern mother chooses to leave the paying workforce she will eventually be asked to participate in a myriad of "volunteer" activities. Some modern mothers pick one or two causes in which they have a true interest. Others collect committee and board memberships like guard rings. No matter how many good efforts the well mannered mother supports, she knows how to manage these commitments. She shows up on time, does what she says she will do when she says she will do it, keeps meetings efficient (this can mean learning how to politely shut someone up), and ends the meeting on time.

Initially, when just starting out in the fascinating world of unpaid work, it is quite flattering to be asked to be on a committee or take a leadership role on volunteer projects. It is essential that the well mannered mother stop and reflect before saying yes to these requests. Our favorite well mannered response when asked to do anything is “Thank you. I am so flattered that you thought of me. Please let me consider this tonight and I will get back to you tomorrow morning.” This gives the well mannered mother time to consider how and if this commitment fits into her already busy life. Of course she must then respond to the requestor as early as possible the following morning. The well mannered mother never leaves someone hanging - it is tacky.

Yet if the well mannered mother discovers she has, despite her best due diligence, accepted a place on a half-baked committee she must immediately call the chair person and say something like “Now that I have a better sense of the scope of this project I am afraid I have over committed myself and think it best that I withdraw at this point.” The last thing any mother needs in these hectic times are a bunch of disorganized people wasting her time. Working on a well run committee is an excellent way for a modern mother to keep her mind and resume sharp while giving back to the community. And last but not least, for the fashion conscious well mannered modern mother, committee work is an excellent excuse to dress up a bit and look slightly corporate. Think Mad Men.