We ran into a lovely lady this morning who wanted to know our thoughts on children addressing adults by their first name. So when our archivist got back from her coffee break we asked her to pull up one of our earliest pieces entitled The Name Game. Reprinted below with permission.
The Name Game
First published November 17, 2009
It is the rare adult who truly appreciates being addressed as "Hey,
Betty" by a five year-old; especially when he is her son. The well
mannered modern mother knows that no matter how egalitarian or evolved
she is in her own abode (or commune) when meeting new adults a polite
child should address them as Mrs., Ms., Mr. or Doctor unless expressly
asked by the adult to whom she is speaking to do otherwise. This tried
and true convention should be seen not as means of repressing a
brilliant and precocious child but as a way of making other adults feel
comfortable and respected by your children. The well mannered modern
mother realizes there are really not that many adults who consider
people under 18 their social or intellectual equals. She will at times
even reflect upon the interesting fact that even Karl Marx, father of
Communism and defender of the proletariat, addressed the workers of the
world as "Comrade Vladamir" not just "Vladamir".
Why We Trouble with Thank You
In a culture of indifference and vulgarity, a world where RSVPs are optional and asking a boy to wear a tie is unheard of, the well mannered modern mother can sometimes feel besieged. Why? Why should she insist on table manners and thank you notes from her children? Why should she cajole her children into dressing appropriately for the occasion? Why should she request that her children look the hostess in the eye when thanking her?
With a recent story in the Wall Street Journal, the modern mother can put those questions to rest, or at the very least, feel justified in insisting on traditional manners. According to the story, Thank You, No, Thank You, the act of being thankful can make you happier, healthier, more successful. For adults, this can mean higher incomes, higher resistance to viral infections, and better sleep. For children, it can mean a higher grades, fewer stomach ache complaints, and more satisfaction with school, friends, family.
Whatever those measures of "success" really mean, teaching children to say thank you, in writing and in person, helps them to acknowledge their own gratitude. It helps them recognize their own blessings, maybe even gives them a bit of humility and respect.
And so, well-mannered mothers and readers, you can all pat yourselves on the back, knowing that for once, social science agrees that you are doing something right. And if you want to put those studies to the test, trying being extra thankful, and see if you sleep better or maybe even get a raise.
With a recent story in the Wall Street Journal, the modern mother can put those questions to rest, or at the very least, feel justified in insisting on traditional manners. According to the story, Thank You, No, Thank You, the act of being thankful can make you happier, healthier, more successful. For adults, this can mean higher incomes, higher resistance to viral infections, and better sleep. For children, it can mean a higher grades, fewer stomach ache complaints, and more satisfaction with school, friends, family.
Whatever those measures of "success" really mean, teaching children to say thank you, in writing and in person, helps them to acknowledge their own gratitude. It helps them recognize their own blessings, maybe even gives them a bit of humility and respect.
And so, well-mannered mothers and readers, you can all pat yourselves on the back, knowing that for once, social science agrees that you are doing something right. And if you want to put those studies to the test, trying being extra thankful, and see if you sleep better or maybe even get a raise.
Is Preppy Polite?
The impending publication of True Prep, the sequel to The Official Preppy Handbook causes one to consider. Is madras inherently well mannered? Do a penchant for plaid and a liking for Lilly mean you know how to behave? Do the teachings of Emily Post belong to the entitled?
Certainly not. Anyone can be well mannered. You don’t need docksiders and monogrammed tumblers. So why do so many self styled “preppy”people seem so focused on manners? Is it because they have the time to care? Is it because they frequent exclusive locales where one is judged on such things? No matter how flamboyant one's trousers, all people appreciate it when someone is polite. Having good manners really means being considerate of the feelings and needs of others. Introducing yourself to a stranger, shaking hands, holding a door, offering someone a drink are all designed to put another person at ease. If one uses fancy manners to exclude another person she is not being polite. Think of the elegant hostess who drinks out of her finger bowl because a guest has mistaken her own for a water vessel. This kindness cost the hostess nothing and is much more considerate to the guest than pointing out her mistake in a room full of people.
Bring on True Prep and reissue the original but just remember wearing plaid does not make you polite. Being polite makes you polite and being rude in plaid just makes you look like an ass.
Bring on True Prep and reissue the original but just remember wearing plaid does not make you polite. Being polite makes you polite and being rude in plaid just makes you look like an ass.
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