A Crisis of Conference

I never thought I would be one of those mothers - the ones who doubt, dismiss, disbelieve, when a teacher reports less than desirable behavior in her child, the mothers who assume that her child’s faltering performance at school stems from the school “not doing enough” or a problematic teacher. But then, I had never really been tested.

Sitting in a recent parent teacher conference, learning about my third child’s “learning differences,” I was surprised by my own reaction. Despite a careful, kind and well mannered delivery, the message somehow sounded like, “all of the other 1st graders sit quietly at their desks reading chapter books, while your child swings from the light fixtures, and barely writes his own name.”

Battling mounting anxiety and defensive thoughts like “their expectations are just too high” I managed to listen and ask questions. I could see where and how my child might need some support. In the end, the teachers and I pulled through this “crisis of conference,” had a civilized discussion and put a plan in place to help my flagging student.

Yet, I emerged humbled – not by the fact that one of my children will need tutoring, but more than a little surprised to find myself susceptible to the kind of defensiveness that can undermine an effective parent teacher relationship. I like to think of myself as a cooperative and open-minded person, not someone who would deny the existence of a problem.

In the end, I suppose I am lucky. Lucky, that good manners and good will prevailed, allowing us to proceed forward and do what is best for this child, whom I love so much.

A Wake up to Make up

To the modern mother accustomed to greeting the world bare-faced, the following tidbit of information could be life altering: women who wear make up are considered more competent by others. Yep, you heard that right: more make up, more competent. Not prettier, sexier, or more alluring, but competent. You can read the whole story here, or here, or watch it here. And we can move on to consider what this means for the modern mother.

Suddenly, the modern mother’s world is upended. Parent teacher conference? Better brush on a little mascara. Private school interview? Break out the blush. Stopping by your husband’s office? Does that call for lipstick or not? Pulling herself together suddenly means more than taking a shower and brushing the lint off her clothes. Make up might not be something only applied hastliy and clumsily before weddings and parties, anymore. 

The problem for this modern mother is that she spent so much of her adolescence wearing tie-dyes and Birkenstocks that she missed much of the experimenting-with-make-up stage, and ended up as an unknowing participant in "make up free Mondays"not to mention Tuesdays, Wednesdays, etc.

It’s probably safe to say that clownish, inexpertly applied make up will not increase the appearance of competence. Thankfully, there are experts out there, like our fellow blogger Larissa at Sparkle, Inc. or Emily McHugh at Daily Outfit. Doubtless there are many others too, but no time to seek them out, time to go hit Sephora! 

*image from vancitybride.com

Friday Frivolity - How Not to Behave at Your Next Conference

A friend who is a teacher posted this video on facebook.  Hardly a mannerly mother, and not a little bit scary.