A friend recently sent us an interesting piece from the The Huffington Post. It is an series of emails from a prospective mother-in-law to her prospective daughter-in-law which the future DIL decided to share with the wider world. The Huffington Post and London Evening Standard (UK) deem the MILs emails "obnoxious" (HP) and Bourne the "mother-in-law from hell" (LES).
As a mother and someday very far in the future possible mother-in-law one might be surprised to find herself - if the behavior described in the emails is true - thinking the MIL has a point. However, perhaps the MIL's approach was not the most sound. A quiet lunch at Claridges or tea at the Ritz might have been a better venue for a bit of coaching.
Dear reader, here are the goods, take a look and let us know what you think.
The Pursuit of Happiness
On this July 4th the modern mother finds her thoughts turning to the memo that started it all: The Declaration of Independence. ( After all, now that John Hamm has signed on for three more years of Mad Men - what else has she got to worry about?)
More specifically she is thinking about the Pursuit of Happiness. As you have doubtlessly noticed there is much talk these days about 'making happy'. Which most scholars argue is not exactly what the founding fathers had in mind.
One example of 'making happy' is the article in the Atlantic entitle How to Land Your Kids in Therapy Why our obsession with our kids' happiness may be dooming them to unhappy adulthoods by Lori Gottlieb. In summary, the author shares her professional realization that being your child's BFF and doing everything in your power to boost her self esteem might not be good for her in the long run. Then we have The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. #1 New York Times bestselling book, blog, life style and now on Jeopardy! This 12 Step Year of The Happiness Challenge program is an international success.
Naturally this modern mother wishes happiness for all. She certainly doesn't want to be surrounded by melancholy/disgruntled grade-schoolers, friends and citizens.
Yet, one wonders: is happiness something that can be willed or imposed on oneself or ones children? Can you ever really "make" yourself happy in any real and lasting way? Is happiness an end in itself or is it a byproduct of a content life? Is looking for happiness like looking for love or enlightenment? Is happiness something that hits you over the head when you have stopped searching for it and gotten on with the business of life?
There is a Harvard Study that has been asking What Makes Us Happy and following the same people for 70+ years. If you have the time - it is an interesting read. The brainy folks at Harvard have come up with some good conclusions. Not to spoil it for you but their conclusion is that happiness has more to do with personal connections, "displaying mature adaptations," education, and a healthy lifestyle than willing yourself happy or having your parents intervene if you get a "B" or don't make the varsity team.
However you spend it, we hope you have a very Happy 4th of July!
Friday Frivolity: Pinterest
This week, one of us has been so obsessed with a new website, that she has not managed to write a single blog post. How could that be? How could I not find the time to laud the emerging revolt against homework, comment on combating recipe clutter, or ponder if obsessing about a child’s happiness dooms him to misery? What could possibly be more interesting than raging about the lot of the suburban mother? Well, take a look at Pinterest.
On Pinterest, one can collect images from anywhere on the internet by “pinning” them to your "pinboard." Tag it with a comment or two, and thus assemble an online visual catalogue of decorating ideas, crafty things, books to read, beloved shoes, vacation destinations, whatever. I might even say it's kind of like a mixture between facebook, tumblr, and Twitter, if I knew anything about Twitter.
The best part, of course, is social: connecting with friends to see what they’re pinning, or scrolling through the boards of people who are more stylish, sophisticated and better connected. Since each pin has a link back to its original source, browsing through pinterest can lead to some of the funkiest corners of the internet.
Just what every modern mother needs: another way to fritter away hours online. Impossible to resist, when images and ideas like these await:
and party ideas.
Hope you enjoy and have a wonderful 4th of July weekend!
Friday Frivolity - Goop's Guide to Being a Good Guest
The lovely and talented Gweneth Paltrow, as you probably know dear reader, is also a blogger. Like your humble authoresses, Ms. Paltrow also writes about parenting, food, travel, fun and etiquette. We thought her latest piece on how to be a good summer guest especially timely. So whether you are jetting off to the Hamptons or wandering next-door for a sprinkler party we recommend the following Goop Newsletter.
Misgivings about the book that took the parenting world by storm
Any modern mother with access to the internet will no doubt have seen the not-really-for-children, children’s book, Go the F**k to Sleep. Having blazed its way to fame as a PDF landing in every parent’s inbox, it became available in print format last week.
For many parents, it may be virtually impossible not to laugh in self-recognition at the exasperated and exhausted parents wrangling their feisty children to bed. Who hasn’t lived through a bedtime like that? How could you not enjoy the subversive parody of sappy rhyming children’s books? Yet, upon reading it, many mothers might also feel a pang of dissatifaction. It would be easy to blame all those f-words for our flinching, or, to put it more politely, the excessive use of profanity in the context of small children. But we might also wince because reading this book is akin to intruding on someone else’s bad parenting moment. When we witness “bad parenting moments” in public, we look away. (Think of yelling mothers, a poorly handled tantrum, undignified public pleading to please, please, please sit down, or stop running.) When we succumb to these moments ourselves, we might wish we could erase them from our memories, or do them over. So it’s no wonder reading them in a book makes us cringe a little, despite the laughs.
Since Supernanny, and Nanny 911 appear to persist on television, it should come as no surprise that there is a market for this book. Yet, we’re going to echo KJ Dell'Antonia at Slate.com and wonder, who is actually buying Go the F**k to Sleep? And what are they going to do with it? As an alternative choice, a book one might actually read to a child, a kinder but still realistic and funny book about bedtime battles, we’re going to follow the New York Times’ lead, and suggest Once Upon a Time, The End, by Geoffrey Kloske.
For many parents, it may be virtually impossible not to laugh in self-recognition at the exasperated and exhausted parents wrangling their feisty children to bed. Who hasn’t lived through a bedtime like that? How could you not enjoy the subversive parody of sappy rhyming children’s books? Yet, upon reading it, many mothers might also feel a pang of dissatifaction. It would be easy to blame all those f-words for our flinching, or, to put it more politely, the excessive use of profanity in the context of small children. But we might also wince because reading this book is akin to intruding on someone else’s bad parenting moment. When we witness “bad parenting moments” in public, we look away. (Think of yelling mothers, a poorly handled tantrum, undignified public pleading to please, please, please sit down, or stop running.) When we succumb to these moments ourselves, we might wish we could erase them from our memories, or do them over. So it’s no wonder reading them in a book makes us cringe a little, despite the laughs.
Since Supernanny, and Nanny 911 appear to persist on television, it should come as no surprise that there is a market for this book. Yet, we’re going to echo KJ Dell'Antonia at Slate.com and wonder, who is actually buying Go the F**k to Sleep? And what are they going to do with it? As an alternative choice, a book one might actually read to a child, a kinder but still realistic and funny book about bedtime battles, we’re going to follow the New York Times’ lead, and suggest Once Upon a Time, The End, by Geoffrey Kloske.
Friday Frivolity - Colors and Sea
If you find yourself in Wellesley, MA this summer be sure to visit the exhibit
Colors and Sea
Wellesley Congregational Church
2 Central Street
Wellesley, MA 02482
Hours in June from 9am to 4pm
In July from 9am to noon
Saturdays from 8:30am to 11am
Sundays from 8 am to noon
Beatrice Dauge
www.beatricedauge.com
So Crazy, It Just Might Work
Recently, a friend asked us how we might handle a sticky dinner party situation. Since we have learned that often people do not realize their behavior is impolite our suggestion is to be very clear in ones invitation regarding the tone of the evening. Please find our invitation prototype below.
Dear Friends,
Please come to a dinner at our house on Saturday the 17th. The dress is spiffy, the occasion is celebratory and the theme is no personal electronic devices whatsoever. Sadly this means you will not be able to "check-in" to our house on facebook as if it were the SoHo Grand. The first part of the evening will consist of cocktails. People will stand around chatting, sipping champagne and eating small savory delicacies. Introductions will be made and those guests already acquainted will catch up. A guest will be describing his vacation in Majorca not scrolling through photos on an 3.5" screen. You will not be able to snap a photo of the champagne, post it to facebook and tag all your friends who are also at the party - thereby making those friends not invited feel rotten. Dinner will follow where we will be serving a soup, fish, meat, salad, cheese and sweet course. There will be wine to match. Regrettably you will not be able to tweet about any of it in real time. You will spend the first course talking to the person on your left and the second, the person on your right. Left right, left right. You will not need to check your pants, purse, or jacket. There will be no urgent 10 p.m. Saturday night texts to be answered. You can just live in the moment and focus on what is going on around you. Should a question arise to which no one at the table knows the answer people will not be able to reach for the phone/personal entertainment device sitting (oh my!) in front of their bread plate. Instead the group will have to discuss, speculate, conjecture, hypothesize and think about the issue at hand. If you believe you can exist in such a disconnected (although to some it might seem incredibly connected) state for four or five hours, we would love to have you over.
Oh that one would ever dare...
Dear Friends,
Please come to a dinner at our house on Saturday the 17th. The dress is spiffy, the occasion is celebratory and the theme is no personal electronic devices whatsoever. Sadly this means you will not be able to "check-in" to our house on facebook as if it were the SoHo Grand. The first part of the evening will consist of cocktails. People will stand around chatting, sipping champagne and eating small savory delicacies. Introductions will be made and those guests already acquainted will catch up. A guest will be describing his vacation in Majorca not scrolling through photos on an 3.5" screen. You will not be able to snap a photo of the champagne, post it to facebook and tag all your friends who are also at the party - thereby making those friends not invited feel rotten. Dinner will follow where we will be serving a soup, fish, meat, salad, cheese and sweet course. There will be wine to match. Regrettably you will not be able to tweet about any of it in real time. You will spend the first course talking to the person on your left and the second, the person on your right. Left right, left right. You will not need to check your pants, purse, or jacket. There will be no urgent 10 p.m. Saturday night texts to be answered. You can just live in the moment and focus on what is going on around you. Should a question arise to which no one at the table knows the answer people will not be able to reach for the phone/personal entertainment device sitting (oh my!) in front of their bread plate. Instead the group will have to discuss, speculate, conjecture, hypothesize and think about the issue at hand. If you believe you can exist in such a disconnected (although to some it might seem incredibly connected) state for four or five hours, we would love to have you over.
Oh that one would ever dare...
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