Free Thinking

The business of bringing up children is filled with stuff: plastic playhouses, turtle shaped sand boxes, swing sets, soccer cleats, large plastic ride on toys, skateboards, bicycles, scooters, and more. So when it comes time to clean out the basement or garage, a well mannered mother may want to squeeze her eyes closed, clap her hands to her head and run, run away. Or haul it all out to the curb and hope the garbage truck will take it away. But landfills don’t need another plastic rocking horse, children’s easel, or bicycle to rust away in the stew of broken plastic party favors and other debris. Surely, there is a child somewhere who could use it. And, aren’t there enough sand boxes, booster seats, and pairs of youth sized in-line skates on this earth already? Wouldn’t it be best to find someone who could use your family’s outgrown gear? Wouldn’t it be better to use your neighbor’s gently used hand-me-down instead of rushing out to buy the newest baby swing? Not only does everyone save money, but we send a message to the retailers and creators of cheap plastic kids’ stuff: “Enough already! The world has enough of your junk. We’ll just pass it around amongst ourselves now, thanks.” No one should ever have to buy any of it new again. Never, ever. Of course there are exceptions, like car seats, and things do wear out over time, but for everything else, go for the vintage, the tried-and-true, the hand-me-down. The well mannered mother who enjoys shopping can think of it this way: if she can find a serviceable second-hand sand box, the children won’t know the difference, and she’ll have some extra cash to buy some truly fabulous foundation wear or irresistible bauble.

It can take a little extra time and determination to find new homes for some items, so we counsel you to stay strong and we offer these suggestions: Offer it to a friend with younger children. Find a local consignment shop or Play it Again Sports. Try ebay, Craig’s List, or freecycle. Donate to Goodwill, Vietnam Veterans of America, Big Brother Big Sister, Sports Gifts, or Cradles to Crayons. If all else fails, leave it on the curb with a sign that says “Free!” and make somebody’s day.

Hand-Me-Down Happiness

The Well-Mannered Mother or blog reader may occasionally suffer a pang of self-doubt, wondering, “what if my hand-me-downs have become somebody else’s “hand-me-downer” or dreaded bag of junk?” While we want to assure our gentle readers that we highly doubt it, we will offer a few thoughts on giving hand-me-downs gracefully.

First, a well-mannered mother looks over each potential hand-me-down with fresh eyes. How bad are the holes, stains, pilling? Non-existent? Passable? Or, would the garment violate reasonable standards of hygiene and possibly a few health codes? She may also assess suitability. Is the recipient child already or approaching the approximate age/ size for the item? Or will it have to languish in storage for years to come? Best to keep things relevant and not pass size 10 clothes on to a newborn. To avoid potential awkwardness, the well-mannered mother may offer the recipient a chance to decline her second hand treasures. Rather than drop a bag by the house when no one’s home, she may call, email, or ask in person, saying something along the lines of “I was cleaning out Ian’s closet and have some adorable shorts and shirts that he’s outgrown. I was thinking your family might be able to use them. Would you be interested?” This gives the mother a chance to say, “Thanks but we’ve already got more clothes than we need.” Or, “yes! when can I come get them?” A truly gracious mother may clean out her children’s closets, organize everything into discrete piles, and invite a few friends over to select which items they can use. Sort of like a trunk show, only much, much better.

Hand-Me-Downers

The business of bringing up children is filled with stuff. Tiny baby socks, bouncy chairs, high chairs, ride-on toys, jackets, mittens, soccer cleats, backpacks, dress shoes, bicycles, skates, and lots and lots of clothing, much of which is hardly worn before its outgrown. No wonder so many of us love to give and receive hand-me downs. Most mothers do not, however, love to come home to a bag full of heinous junk sitting on the front step, with or without a note that says, “A few things I thought you could use! Enjoy!” A bag of stained children’s t-shirts and underwear is, of course, not a gift at all but another item on a to do list. (Sort contents: rag bag, trash, charity.) What’s a well mannered mother to do about an over-zealous giver of questionable goods? Initially, she must accept graciously and dispose of the contents. If the “gifts” keep coming, she could try to deflect future deposits with a phone call or email saying something like, “Thank you so much for all your hand-me-downs. Our closets are absolutely stuffed full of great clothes. We just have so much now, I couldn’t in good conscience take any more hand-me-downs. Can I help you find somewhere else to take your next bunch?” Or she could continue with the status quo (accept, dispose, repeat, accept, dispose, repeat), satisfied that she has not passed the buck, or in this case, bag of junk, on to some unsuspecting mother.