Bag It

A well turned out friend recently mentioned the term "statement bag" to me.  She was talking about some advice she gave a lady who had been asked to do some substantial fundraising for a worthy cause.  My friend suggested that the lady invest in a couple of business chic outfits and a "statement bag."

Rosalie by Jimmy Choo $3,995

This struck me as interesting in a few ways.

First, although I usually have a general sense of what's going on, I had never heard of a statement bag.   A snappy search on the Google revealed that a statement bag is the new It Bag.  This term strikes me as just a little ridiculous in the sense that, what statement exactly is your bag making?  A couple that come to mind are:  "I am so loaded, I think it makes great sense to carry my wallet and lipstick around in a bag that cost more than your mortgage"  or "I wouldn't want anyone to think that my boho top and ripped jeans were really from the Good Will so I'll just stick a $3,000 bag on my arm to be sure you know who you're dealing with."

Prada Ostrich Executive Tote $6,390

Second, and I believe my friend is correct, isn't it funny that large donors would be more inclined to make a gift to a charity when approached by an affluent looking woman than by those benefiting from their donation?  Is this because people have a harder time saying no to "one of their own"?  Or is it that being well dressed opens doors and purses?

the new jackie bordeaux shoulder bag form Gucci $3250

Finally, with global meat consumption at an all time high, shouldn't the cost of leather be declining?   Yet, despite the sub-prime mortgage debacle, Euro crisis and ongoing global recession these bags continue to go up, up, up in price.  Of course luxury brands argue that it is the hand crafting by their skilled European artisans that make these bags so valuable expensive.  However, these claims are sometimes discredited by journalists visiting factories in China who have seen these luxury bags being put together by women making about $100 per week.

The statement of all statements The Birkin by Hermes. If you have to ask...

Now, much like religion, I believe if it helps someone get through their day and isn't hurting anyone else,  by all means embrace the new statement bags.  Perhaps like bangles or guard rings some fancy folks may even begin stacking them before long.  To find the right bag and statement for you, you might want to begin here.  If your caviar taste does not mesh with your tuna fish budget you could try renting a statement bag at the Netflix of handbags Bag Borrow or Steel.

May I make a suggestion?

“May I make a suggestion?” might be a dreaded question for a new mother, but it also exasperates the mother volunteering to run a large school or community event. Why would a simple suggestion fill her with dismay? Ideas inevitably follow. Often good ideas, but approximately 99% of which require large amounts of money, time, or both. In most instances, the volunteer chairperson is already working hard, barely holding it together, picking up take out for dinner, forgoing the gym, and all for the satisfaction of contributing to her community, not an actual paycheck. The last thing she needs is more added to her to do list.

 “Wouldn’t it be great to hold the school auction on a riverboat?”

“You should hire a choral group to sing carols during the Holiday Bazaar – it would add so much atmosphere.”

“Why don’t we take all these great donations for the rummage sale and sell them on ebay? They would bring in so much more money!”

 The answer to all of these suggestions might be a resounding yes, were time and money no object. But time and effort are in notably short supply these days.

 If a modern mother is the unlucky chairperson of such an event, what should she do when faced with fanciful and/or time consuming suggestions? While it may be tempting to reply, “Great idea! Perhaps we could get Gwyneth Paltrow to do an endorsement of our event on GOOP, and we could get a caligrapher to hand write 500 invitation to all members of the community while we're at it!” but it would probably be better to respond, “That is such a fabulous idea. Would you like to start working on it?”

 As a corollary, when the modern mother finds herself only tangentially involved in some auction/spring fair/charity rummage sale, and is overcome with brilliant ideas and suggestions, she should stop and consider the who, how, where, and when of making them happen. If she finds herself ready and eager to help propel her idea forward, then go crazy, go ask the volunteer chair and you might make even her day.  Otherwise, take care offering suggestions, or you’ll be the first person called upon to run the show the following year.

Hand-Me-Down Happiness

The Well-Mannered Mother or blog reader may occasionally suffer a pang of self-doubt, wondering, “what if my hand-me-downs have become somebody else’s “hand-me-downer” or dreaded bag of junk?” While we want to assure our gentle readers that we highly doubt it, we will offer a few thoughts on giving hand-me-downs gracefully.

First, a well-mannered mother looks over each potential hand-me-down with fresh eyes. How bad are the holes, stains, pilling? Non-existent? Passable? Or, would the garment violate reasonable standards of hygiene and possibly a few health codes? She may also assess suitability. Is the recipient child already or approaching the approximate age/ size for the item? Or will it have to languish in storage for years to come? Best to keep things relevant and not pass size 10 clothes on to a newborn. To avoid potential awkwardness, the well-mannered mother may offer the recipient a chance to decline her second hand treasures. Rather than drop a bag by the house when no one’s home, she may call, email, or ask in person, saying something along the lines of “I was cleaning out Ian’s closet and have some adorable shorts and shirts that he’s outgrown. I was thinking your family might be able to use them. Would you be interested?” This gives the mother a chance to say, “Thanks but we’ve already got more clothes than we need.” Or, “yes! when can I come get them?” A truly gracious mother may clean out her children’s closets, organize everything into discrete piles, and invite a few friends over to select which items they can use. Sort of like a trunk show, only much, much better.

Hand-Me-Downers

The business of bringing up children is filled with stuff. Tiny baby socks, bouncy chairs, high chairs, ride-on toys, jackets, mittens, soccer cleats, backpacks, dress shoes, bicycles, skates, and lots and lots of clothing, much of which is hardly worn before its outgrown. No wonder so many of us love to give and receive hand-me downs. Most mothers do not, however, love to come home to a bag full of heinous junk sitting on the front step, with or without a note that says, “A few things I thought you could use! Enjoy!” A bag of stained children’s t-shirts and underwear is, of course, not a gift at all but another item on a to do list. (Sort contents: rag bag, trash, charity.) What’s a well mannered mother to do about an over-zealous giver of questionable goods? Initially, she must accept graciously and dispose of the contents. If the “gifts” keep coming, she could try to deflect future deposits with a phone call or email saying something like, “Thank you so much for all your hand-me-downs. Our closets are absolutely stuffed full of great clothes. We just have so much now, I couldn’t in good conscience take any more hand-me-downs. Can I help you find somewhere else to take your next bunch?” Or she could continue with the status quo (accept, dispose, repeat, accept, dispose, repeat), satisfied that she has not passed the buck, or in this case, bag of junk, on to some unsuspecting mother.

Can Shopping Save the World?

These days many a modern mother may feel inundated by opportunities to commit retail philanthropy. The well mannered mother knows that despite how nicely worded the invitation or how dire the suffering may be, racing off to Bergdorfs or Bloomies for "An Elegant Evening of Shopping for a Cause" will not really save Haiti, fight terrorism, cure cancer, end global warming or prevent under age prostitution in South East Asia. The suggestion that by donating 10% of the proceeds from such an event (gross or net by the way?) these retailers are benevolently facilitating your generosity is a big load of hooey. They are simply trying to drive shoppers into their stores to increase profits in a dismal economic environment. This is fine. Up with Capitalism. And up with shopping. But let's be honest about all this. The well mannered modern mother with a calculator can easily prove that in order for her to donate $100 via retail benevolence she would need to buy $1,000 worth of clothing (assuming the store donates 10% of gross proceeds of course). It makes a lot more sense for her to send $100 dollars to the Red Cross and spend $300 updating her spring look - if this happens via a charity shopping event all the better. There is, of course, a long history in American 'Society' of glamorous socialites attending charity galas to benefit causes, museums, libraries, gardens, and to keep Venice afloat. This is a wonderful pastime and an excellent way to keep billionaires off the streets and out of the restaurants. The well mannered mother of slightly more limited means should keep in mind that charity is charity and shopping is shopping and try not to confuse the two.