Renovation as Right of Passage

There comes a time in many a modern mother’s life, when she decides to renovate her kitchen, or maybe even the whole house.  While this might initially seem like a good idea, there will undoubtedly be times during the process, in which she wonders, ‘why exactly did I sign on for this?’ It could happen when the blaring of power tools at 7:30am makes it impossible for her to hear or speak to her children anywhere in the house.  It could happen when she contemplates the freshly fallen powdery dust covering the dresser tops, the mantels, the entire household, and wonders what toxic and neuron-killing contaminants lurk therein. If these two renovation hazards don’t get to her, then the unstoppable, never-ending teeny tiny questions and decisions most certainly will.  Cabinet knobs or handles? Polished chrome? Satin Nickel? Antiqued brass? What exact shade of white for the trim? What will look dated? What will stay classic? Where to splurge? Where to remain frugal?

Eventually, she may even avoid her email and voicemail, knowing that they contain something along the lines of, “We need to figure out a spot to put that sewage ejector.” Or, “there's a problem with the cabinets you ordered: we can’t fit them in the door.” Or, “the floor tile has been back ordered for 12 weeks.”

Of course, a modern mother is lucky to be able to renovate and the final product will hopefully be thrilling, possibly even life-changing. The wise renovating mother can take heart in knowing that so many others have gone through this exact scenario, and even lived to tell the tale. She might even think of this “renovation phase” as rite of passage, a major life event that can be both exhilarating and lovely but also with some serious unpleasantness. Not unlike giving birth. Giving birth to a new kitchen/house/ bathroom.  

Porn for Mummy

Late one night when her husband is traveling, after putting her rowdy brood to bed, the well mannered modern mother takes a quick shower, hops in bed, reaches into her bedside table and pulls out a pile of well thumbed magazines.  On a rainy Thursday a different well mannered mother walks purposefully down the street in her trench coat and wellies. There is a naughty smile on her face.  With a giddy feeling in the pit of her stomach she looks left, she looks right and then suddenly she ducks down a side street and passes through a glossy black door.  There is a plaque on the building that reads only "To the Trade." 

Is it Voyeurism?  Fantasy?   An exotic diversion from the daily grind?  Whatever it is, there is no denying: many a modern mother loves her Fabric.  Wallpaper.  Trim.  Carrera Marble.  Glossy Photos of Glossy Kitchens.  Shelter Magazines.  House and Garden Tours.   Even in these uncertain economic times,  the Remodeling, Interior Design, Furniture, Paint & Wall Paper and Textile businesses combine to create a $200 billion dollar industry.

Now we could get all Sobby Sally at this point and talk about the Wall-e style waste created by renovating, remodeling and redecorating.  But really, who wants to read about that?  Instead let us  celebrate the sense of calm that some well mannered modern mothers feel when looking at wall paper books and lugging home tote bags full of fabric swatches.  Delicious moments just brimming with possibility and hope.  Now, thanks to the internet this feeling can be savored and enjoyed 24/7 in the privacy of one's own home.   No more bashful looks at the postman when the latest "issue" arrives, no more sneaking around design centers and meeting decorators on the sly.  We now have pleasure without the carbon print. Today!  At this very moment, the well mannered mother can simply pull up a chair and peruse the internet's latest gifts to the domestically obsessed.   There are numerous sites that cater to all different design proclivities from the elegant to the attainable.  So what are you waiting for?  Fabulousity is just a click away.   And no one will ever know.