I Fear Madam Has Been Over Served

While such occurrences are rare, it might happen that a well mannered social mother will occasionally awake with a “morning head” or, as it is more commonly known - a hangover. In this case she might take the following steps: Step One — assess the situation. Where are you? What day is it? What are you wearing? Should all these appear to be in order, move on to Step Two – physical condition. Can you move? Are you going to be ill? Are there small children climbing on you? If you can possibly sit up and think, it is time for Step Three – recovery. Who can you enlist to care for your boisterous lot while you “sleep it off?” Husband, neighbor, sitter, dry cleaner, television – any of these will do. If there is no help available remember the following: move slowly, do not shout (it is unladylike and very painful), drink flavored fluids such as water with a splash of cranberry or tomato juice with a splash of vodka, promise your children all sorts of treats tomorrow if they can whisper and not fight today. Lastly, Step Four – learn from your mistakes. The well mannered mother does not discuss the previous night’s excesses in front of her children, nor does she blame anyone for her present condition except herself. She may, however, wander around the house in dark glasses telling any adult who will listen that she is never drinking again – unless she has hired a sitter to arrive at six the following morning.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

If creating euphemisms was a sport, 'Morning Head' would be an interception for a touch-down. Sure to become a dog eared-phrase in my shallow lexicon.

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