Surprise! There is no such thing as Privacy on the Internet.

This weeks brouhaha over facebook's latest lack of privacy reminds one of something a very proper grandmother used to say,  "Don't ever put anything in writing that you do not want the whole world to read."  Of course, that was long before the age of Internet and no doubt grandmother's concerns were around explicit love letters or nasty comments about Aunt Edna falling into the wrong hands. Nowadays when the modern mother posts pictures/video of herself in less than flattering or possibly highly provocative poses on social networking sites she should not be surprised if there is some sort of fall out.  Whether those pictures end up being forwarded to millions or being seen by unintended observers, the modern mother really has no one to blame but herself.

We are in no way sanctioning the corporate sharing of user data without individuals' consent - but let's not be naive here.  Let's remind ourselves why facebook is valued at $33 Billion.  It's not because of FarmVille.  It's because they and Google and Yahoo and Amazon know everything about you.  Hopefully in the aggregate but apparently not, as this latest breech again illustrates.

Sadly, a user of social media sites can rant and rave all she wants about her 'privacy' on the world-wide web and her 'rights' as a non-paying user of a service no one is forcing her to use.  Unless she convince 6 million of her friends to vacate the site she is unlikely to effect much change any time soon.  Instead, dare we suggest a little discretion?  Risque photos aside, the only 100% effective way a well mannered modern mother can keep her personal information personal is to not put that information on the internet.   This being said, we do hope you continue to log on now and again to read this blog.  Thank you.

Photo Credit - The Social Network - Official Site

Dresses and Pears and Bears Oh My!

Our editorial board has decided to devote Fridays to the more frivolous side of manerly motherhood (as opposed to the serious and hard-hitting pieces you are used to reading here).    So, going forward Elizabeth and I will be featuring some of our favorite manerly mother accoutrement.  N.B.  We do not receive any kind of compensation from anyone (unfortunately) so anything featured herein has been chosen by us simply because we like it.

So, on with the frivolity! 

It would be hard not to be well mannered in theses fetching designs by Kayce Hughes.  Her children's line is called pears and bears and will hopefully inspire the youth among us to behave adorably.  The women's line is chic yet functional  -  like the well mannered modern mother herself. 

Click here to Shop for the Cure

Time May Change Me...

There may come a time in a modern mother’s life where, in the space of a single year, she finds herself resigning from her job, taking up tennis, renovating a kitchen, fretting far too much about homework and children's activities, wearing ballet flats, doing some yoga, and turning 40. Am I turning into a stereotype? She may think. Do I look exactly like everyone else? (Because they’re looking kind of old, like 40ish.)

Then, on a night out, a “ladies night out for a cause,” she may meet another mother (a friend of a friend) who has also taken up tennis, resigned from a job, turned 40 and renovated a kitchen, also in the space of a single year. To the outside world, they may seem the same; their cares, their interests may seem narrow and boring.  But the modern mother can shrug, and enjoy the moment of making a new friend, knowing that though they may seem identical from a distance, we all have rich, varied, nuanced lives. Besides, in the classic phrasing of David Bowie, "Time may change me...." Or, everything may change again in the space of another year, and who knows how?

Everything I Know About Parenting - I learned from Zagazoo

George and Bella are exceptionally well mannered parents in the face of adversity - namely, their son, Zagazoo.  If you read only one book about life, children, and pelicans - this is THE ONE.  Zagazoo is by Quentin Blake the British author and illustrator.  If you love the book you can now also have the wallpaper.

Post-Corporate Mom Syndrome

Most modern mothers have all been there, in the volunteer committee meeting, where someone chimes in with, "The volunteer scheduling is an orthogonal issue here, let’s focus on truly impactful ways to communicate the book fair to our families." Or we've heard, "Net-net, auction profits are our best KPI (key performance indicator), so we should aim to grow profits by 50%." Maybe we’ve even heard something along the lines of, "Let’s circle back to the appetizer menu later and move on to the next action item: napkins. Cocktail size? Dinner size?"

But, why?  Why pepper a conversation about a small school fundraiser or community event with language from an aspiring MBA study group? Why let such atrocious corporate speak creep into everyday exchanges? Are we trying to invoke past achievements? Trying to pretend we’re all back at work? Are some of us suffering from some type of post-corporate mom syndrome? 

Yes, many of us might be guilty of tacking a “Please advise.” on the end of an email to a friend collaborating on a class potluck. (It's faster than tapping out "Let me know what you think" on an iphone, after all.) Yet, let us all attempt to be less affected, less focused in false indicators of accomplishment. Let us aim to be authentic, direct, more human. 

In the end, while the well mannered mother might wince at corporate speak in the school-volunteer setting, there are times when she may be grateful for the common sense underlying it; like when a post-corporate mother keeps the discussion moving by suggesting,  “Let’s take this discussion offline and move on to the next agenda item.” 

And what do you do?

From time to time the well mannered mother may find herself at dinner party seated next to a young woman.  This woman may be well educated, urban, well traveled and happy to talk about the differences between the vodka in Helsinki and Reykjavik through the entire soup course.  In fact, she may be happy to talk about just about any aspect of her colorful life and give you her opinion on an incredible range of topics.

At first, the well mannered modern mother is just happy to be sitting down for the first time all day.  But then it slowly begins to dawn on her that this Holly Golightly has failed to ask her a single question.  About anything.  At all.

 As she turns to the older gentleman on her right for the fish course she wonders "Do I seem so old and uninteresting that it has not occurred to this young woman that my opinions might be additive? Relevant? Should I start throwing in my own bio?  'Back when I lived in that walk up in Paris' or 'When my company went public...' (tacky)  Maybe I should torture her with stories of my adorable (ha!) children and school potlucks (painful).  Does she think she knows me because I have three children and live outside the city?  Or is this just an example of the over-praised, self-absorbed 'younger' generation?" 


 Perhaps at this point, the well mannered mother finds herself wondering which is worse: the sometimes sticky question of "What do you do?" or the presumption that you do nothing and have nothing to say? 

As the well mannered mother sits there conversing with the nice older man on her right she may begin think how far away his life seems from hers right now.  Retired, living by the water, going where he wants when he wants.  Wow.  Then it might hit her, to Miss Fancy Pants on her left the idea of being well, a well mannered modern mother probably seems about a billion zillion light years away.  Ah ha!  OK.  She gets it.  But in the meantime someone should really teach these kids some manners.

Boys, Books, and Bathroom Humor

The modern mother of a boy may occasionally worry that her son may never read anything other than Captain Underpants.  While this bathroom humor classic can be an excellent inducement to read, (and even a little bit funny) she may hope that her son will move on to books without flatulence, underwear, or intentional mis-spellings. The well mannered mother may also wonder how she is ever going to curb potty mouth dinner conversation, if her son is reading Sir Fartsalot Hunts the Booger at bedtime. Such a mother can find inspiration in a recent opinion piece, "How to Raise Boys who Read" in the Wall Street Journal.  Read it here and then head to John Scieszka's website, "Guys Read" for some book ideas.