If Not Now When?

Was probably the question the well mannered audience members were asking themselves last Tuesday in Avery Fisher Hall in New York City.   According to the WSJ's story here, a cell phone in the front row of the theater began ringing (playing?) the Marimba during Mahler's Nineth.   After many minutes, the conductor reportedly stopped the piece, turned and asked that the phone be turned off.  Yet the phone (believed to be an alarm) continued.  After many minutes of total silence in the hall broken only by jeers from other attendees and repeated requests from the conductor, the offender finally silenced the phone.  The Philharmonic began at the top.  

Perhaps the patron was elderly, hard of hearing and did not realize his alarm was going off.  Had he set himself a reminder to go to the Philharmonic?  Possibly, he is a large supporter of the Symphony and has a great deal of clout and that is why ushers never approached to "help" him or escort him and his phone out of the hall.  

As a friend mentioned earlier this week, it does seem these days, that more and more people behave (although we do not know if this particular offense was intentional) as though the rules do not apply to them.  Whether these are rules of common courtesy or  rules of law, many people behave as if those rules are for others.  Have you noticed this?  What do you think?

Could this be why the Chinese are throwing eggs at Apple stores and Apple cancelled the launch of the iphone4S in China?

Enjoy the long weekend.

Image from PSD

Why are you acting like this ???

As mothers, we know our children so well we can read their small disappointments and their pleasure with a single glance. When apart from them, we may see a photograph, a small toy, a book, and think, “oh, she would just love that!” Yes, we think we know them. Yet, there are times when we are so very, very wrong. Like when a 2nd grader lays his head on the table and weeps inconsolably because his pre-school drawing of a turtle cannot be found. Or when normally docile children cannot stop themselves from throwing crayons while waiting on their dinner at a restaurant.  Or when a child just won’t quit whining. In these moments of crisis, many a modern mother could find herself astonished, thinking, or even saying, Why are you acting like this?!” Or, “Why are you doing that?!” Hungry, tired, wanting attention are obvious answers, though the more basic reason is because he’s 2, or 5, or just not an adult yet. A third, more philosophical answer, would be that children are individuals, each with his own quirks and inner life, which we may never truly know. Or, to quote C.S. Lewis,"what can you ever really know of other people's souls - of their temptations, their opportunities, their struggles?" Whatever the reason for her child's actions, the well mannered mother can rest assured that science may eventually succeed in reversing the aging process, but it may never unlock the mystery of why sometimes not getting “the red one” can lead to a sustained tantrum.

Sick Day, What's That?

Some morning, a modern mother may wake up feeling as if she has been run over by a freight train. No, she is not suffering from a “morning head,” she is sick: feverish chills, aching body, and sand paper throat. She may roll over, remember that her husband is out of town on business, look at the clock and think, 1 hour and 15 minutes until I can deposit everyone at school. I just have to make it through 1 hour and 15 minutes, she repeats to herself, as she briefly closes her eyes again. She has to rouse herself. No sick days for mothers -- that’s what separates every mother from everyone else. Through her fog of illness, she rises to begin the morning chores and motions required to get her brood out the door and on their way to school: the dressing, lunch packing, breakfast eating, tooth brushing, dishwasher unloading, and that most crucial component of the morning routine, the nagging. She may move more slowly, she may look pathetic, but she will get it done. Woozy and feverish, she may even whisper, “Mommy’s not feeling well this morning. I can’t really talk because it hurts too much, so I need you all to do what you’re supposed to do, no complaining, no dawdling, no meltdowns.” She knows the children may listen or not; sometimes the tragedy of the blue dog shirt not being clean and ready to wear can overshadow any sincere sympathy for mother. But then, miracle of miracles, the gestures and wordless prompts start working. Everyone is clothed (socks included) and in the kitchen, cereal is poured, breakfast is eaten, teeth are brushed. She points at the lunch box on the counter and her 8 year old carries it to his backpack; she whispers “shoes!” and everyone dons both shoes and jackets; she grabs her keys and heads for the door and they follow like a line of ducklings. And they're not even late! When she returns home and collapses, she may briefly ponder the morning events. Maybe they behaved so well because they were so surprised to see me so quiet. Or, maybe this morning was the perfect example of “less is more” parenting. And, maybe she’ll even try a nag free morning again. Soon, and when she is better.

Careful with those Old School Manners

Holding doors, standing up when an elder enters the room, or giving up your seat on public transportation are just a few 'old school' manners rarely practiced these days. Possibly (sadly) with good reason. No one should risk physical or verbal abuse for the sake of good behavior. Apparently some people get quite hostile when offered a seat on a bus "Are you saying I'm old? You're no spring chicken yourself." (Social Graces, Town & Country, January 2010 by Joanne Kaufman) Others get angry when a man holds a door. As one woman wrote to The New York Times "For years, I’ve gritted my teeth at the office when men insist that I enter or exit elevators before them — often adding “Ladies, first!” I believe it’s rude to call attention to my gender this way, as if I were a member of a weaker class." (Social Qs, The New York Times by Philip Galanes, October 29, 2009) In such situations discretion is the better part of valor. No need to end up in the emergency room just for trying to be considerate. So where does this leave the well mannered mother as she attempts to teach the next generation how to behave? "Edward, always hold the door for a lady as long as she is wearing lipstick and heels. Phoebe, it is polite to offer your seat to an elderly lady on the bus when she is not dressed like a Kardashian or packing an umbrella." Maybe not. Perhaps the best tact to take is for the well mannered mother to do what feels right in a given situation and then explain her action to her children at a later time (once the violent/hostile/grateful recipient of such social grace has left the scene).