Well mannered modern mother dials phone.
Ring, Ring "Hello!"
"Hi Jane, it's Sally"
"Hi Sally! How are you?"
"Super, thanks. Would you and Bob would like to come to dinner on Saturday the 17th?"
"Hold on let me get to my calendar..." Brief time laps, children and dog heard scuffling in background. "Oh rats, we have a thing. We can do the following Saturday the 24th, Friday the 16th or the 8th of next month."
Now what? Does the mannerly modern mother acquiese and simply pick one of the dates her friend has offered? Does she point out that she did not call and say "We would love to get together with you and Bob, shall we pick a date?" Does she inform her friend that this is a dinner party, she has two other couples lined up and she does not accept reservation? Most likely it is best to simply say "Oh dear, none of those dates work for us. Let me noodle this and get back to you by email. I would love to meet for coffee sometime soon."
Maybe it is because people are so crazy busy these days or maybe it's just that people are used to managing their schedules to suit themselves that they have forgotten what it means to be a guest rather than a patron. But in general it is probably best for the modern mother to "put on her listening ears" and try and assess the type of invitation being extended before launching into an alternate proposal that will work best for her.
Speaking of working best for her, a friend recently sent over this stunning piece from the WSJ's blog The Juggle. As you know, dear frequent readers, we have great respect for The Juggle as it does a nice job of addressing many issues facing the modern mother. But this piece in defense of "Maybe" as the way the author responds to an invitation especially, as she writes, "Now that I have kids, whose schedules and moods are even more variable than my own, I’m even more apt to say maybe to events." seems something of a cop-out. She does acknowledge that her approach "...can make it hard to plan, say, a seated, plated meal, but I really don’t have the time or energy to throw those types of shindigs anyhow." But don't despair! Apparently there is hope for the well mannered human race. Of the 78 comments that blog piece received every response we read pointed out that such an approach is hardly thoughtful and does not take into account the feelings and plans of one's hostess. Well they didn't say it quite like that.
The Favor of a Reply
is Requested. Yet these days, what are the chances? Anyone who has invited anyone to anything in recent memory knows that a good ROI (for our purposes, Return on Invitation) is around 80%. Regardless of whether the invitation is engraved, embossed, evited or emailed, the well mannered hostess knows that there are invitees who will not respond to her invitation.
What goes on here? The question of why people no longer feel obligated to let a hostess know her (or her offspring’s) intentions regarding party attendance is a perplexing one. Is it possible that modern mothers feel so stretched and over-committed with work, school, family, activities and sports that instead of being a pleasant diversion, a social invitation has become just something else to add to the to-do list? How sad! Is the potential guest waiting until all her options are on the table before committing her Saturday night? How shabby! Could it be that there are people walking around and holding down jobs who do not know the meaning of R.S.V.P. and act solely out of ignorance? How on earth?
While life does move pretty fast these days and things do fall through the cracks, may we suggest in this case a little forethought and empathy will go a long way to endearing the modern mother to her future hostess. And who knows, some day she might even want to invite someone to something – and wouldn’t it be nice to know who was coming?
Below, please find a step by step guide to the receipt and handling of an invitation: 1. The well mannered mother opens the invitation. 2. She looks at her calendar and asks herself: A. Is she free? B. Would she like to attend? C. Would she prefer not to attend? D. Is she busy? 3. Right then, at that very moment, she picks up the phone, sends the email, clicks the Respond Here button, or writes a quick note and lets her hostess know. By doing this she does not seem desperate or over-zealous. She seems like a thoughtful individual who appreciates the fact that someone was kind enough to want to include her or her, frankly, tiresome four-year-old in a social gathering.
What goes on here? The question of why people no longer feel obligated to let a hostess know her (or her offspring’s) intentions regarding party attendance is a perplexing one. Is it possible that modern mothers feel so stretched and over-committed with work, school, family, activities and sports that instead of being a pleasant diversion, a social invitation has become just something else to add to the to-do list? How sad! Is the potential guest waiting until all her options are on the table before committing her Saturday night? How shabby! Could it be that there are people walking around and holding down jobs who do not know the meaning of R.S.V.P. and act solely out of ignorance? How on earth?
While life does move pretty fast these days and things do fall through the cracks, may we suggest in this case a little forethought and empathy will go a long way to endearing the modern mother to her future hostess. And who knows, some day she might even want to invite someone to something – and wouldn’t it be nice to know who was coming?
Below, please find a step by step guide to the receipt and handling of an invitation: 1. The well mannered mother opens the invitation. 2. She looks at her calendar and asks herself: A. Is she free? B. Would she like to attend? C. Would she prefer not to attend? D. Is she busy? 3. Right then, at that very moment, she picks up the phone, sends the email, clicks the Respond Here button, or writes a quick note and lets her hostess know. By doing this she does not seem desperate or over-zealous. She seems like a thoughtful individual who appreciates the fact that someone was kind enough to want to include her or her, frankly, tiresome four-year-old in a social gathering.
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