Thanks a lot Time Magazine.

Presumably by now, unless she lives under a rock on the moon, the modern mother has seen the cover of this week's Time Magazine.  And yet, at this point dear savvy, mannerly readers, what can one say?  Congratulations Time Magazine you've won the week.  Victory is yours.  The LA Times got it right on Friday when it wrote "Time Magazine breastfeeding cover: A shocking 'stroke of genius.'"  Brilliant.  Just when we all thought the ennui was complete.  What could possibly be left to say on the subject of motherhood?  Tiger, French, Attached, Detached, Skinned Knee - we had heard it all.  But somehow the sight of an attractive 26 year-old model (as in runway) mother nursing her three year-old son who is standing on a chair, managed to get everyone in a lather once more. 

Or did it? Aside from a male friend who got a big laugh when he asked at dinner on Friday "Do you think that's really her kid?" everyone else we know has chalked it up to fringe believers lacking in decorum and a magazine looking for newsstand revenue.  After all, how many average mothers have the luxury of making this choice in the first place?  As we checked in with some of our favorite mainstream media parenting sites (Motherload, Huffington Post, The Juggle)  none of these writers  really had anything very heated to say about the whole thing either.  Like most moderate mothers these writers seemed  tired of the whole debate and probably needed to do something else like get some sleep, go to work, make dinner or write about someone with a real problem.  Because, let's face it, having the luxury to choose whether you can make your bed and person completely available to a child for five years is a pretty high-class problem to have. 

I would like to go on the record as saying I believe that the mothers in Time Magazine are exploiting their children for the sake of their own agenda and I feel sorry for those children that they will grow up with this notoriety.

 If you are looking for a nice dose of sanity try this take on the whole silliness by Boston writer Kara Baskin.

Mother's Day Flowers

This year, for mother's day, we bring you flowers.  Specifically, flowers by Sarah Ryhannen, who posts beautiful botanical photos on Saipua. If only we lived in Brooklyn, then we would run right out to her store and buy one of these lovely arrangements.

Wishing all our readers a wonderful Mother's Day!

I beg your pardon, what did you just call me?

We ran into a lovely lady this morning who wanted to know our thoughts on children addressing adults by their first name.  So when our archivist got back from her coffee break we asked her to pull up one of our earliest pieces entitled The Name Game.  Reprinted below with permission.


The Name Game
First published November 17, 2009

It is the rare adult who truly appreciates being addressed as "Hey, Betty" by a five year-old; especially when he is her son. The well mannered modern mother knows that no matter how egalitarian or evolved she is in her own abode (or commune) when meeting new adults a polite child should address them as Mrs., Ms., Mr. or Doctor unless expressly asked by the adult to whom she is speaking to do otherwise. This tried and true convention should be seen not as means of repressing a brilliant and precocious child but as a way of making other adults feel comfortable and respected by your children. The well mannered modern mother realizes there are really not that many adults who consider people under 18 their social or intellectual equals. She will at times even reflect upon the interesting fact that even Karl Marx, father of Communism and defender of the proletariat, addressed the workers of the world as "Comrade Vladamir" not just "Vladamir".

Friday Frivolity: Tea Towel Time

After a cold, gray and drizzly week in Boston, we decided to bring you something pretty, light, spring-ey this Friday. So, we present a lovely Esty shop, Giardino, which features hand printed linen fabrics, home decor and paper goods. My favorite are the tea towels. I'm not sure I could bring myself to put these to heavy use in my kitchen but they would make a fine hostess present or accessory at a dinner party.

The pillows are equally lovely, which might explain why I have not managed to pick out exactly what to buy, despite the fact that I pinned these on pinterest months ago. 

There's even one for all you chevron fans out there.

Enjoy! Have a wonderful weekend!

Dinnertime discourse for little people

It's always thrill to see a mannerly topic garner headlines, even if only in the “style” section. And so “Table Talk: The New Family Dinner” in Sunday’s New York Times was a welcome sight. The article describes the habits, conventions and rituals of family dinner conversations, cites examples from the childhoods of famous and/or highly successful people, including Johnathan Safran Foer, Amy Chua, Laurie David, and Rahm Emmanuel, and describes the Obama family “rose and thorn” ritual in which family members enumerate the high and low point of their day.

While some might find such family conversation strategies contrived, I was inspired. Would it be possible to use the “rose and thorn” trick to steer our family dinner conversation away from Star Wars, Captain Underpants, and Why can’t I go see the Hunger Games? Could we manage to banter about ethical conundrums? Geopolitics? Would heated discussions of current events propel my children into fame, fortune and politics as it in the Emmanuel family?  Hardly, yet it’s worth the effort. Guiding our children towards informed conversations means setting expectations about behavior, treating them with the civility and respect we hope they will show others, and teaching them about the larger world. Such family table talk is hardly “new” as the New York Times title suggest. It's just good manners.

Friday Frivolity: Mommy's little burger king

Children's art can be vibrant, charming, and most of all, revealing. On the Huffington Post, Claire McCarthy describes her son's hilariously forthright art show submission and her mixed feelings about it. Her story, When Kids Make Us Look Bad: My McDonald's Moment, has been making its way around the internet, because its just plain funny and probably because we can all laugh in self recognition. Most of us have experienced a similar cringe-worthy moment or two.

Here's the art work in question:

And here's her story: When Kids Make Us Look Bad: My McDonald's Moment

Have a great weekend, and should you find yourself with a hankering for Mc Donald's, please don't blame us. You can take that up with Ms. McCarthy, or rather, her 6 year-old son.

Mommy Wars? We're so over that!

Last week, the “Ann-Romney-never-worked” discussion blazed through the internet and we were silent. Over the weekend, the Wall Street Journal published “Women’s War on Women” and “Friends for Life? Wait until Kids Enter the Picture” headed up the New York Times Sunday Styles section, but here at Manners for Modern Mothers, we haven’t managed to get incensed enough to write even the tiniest of blog posts. Why? Are too busy catching up on Sunday night television? Are we just putting our heads in the sand? Or are we just growing up as mothers and as women?

I'd like to think the latter. Both of these recent articles paint a picture of modern mothers desperate to parent the “right” way and deeply judgmental of alternatives; mothers who sacrifice both themselves and their friendships to this cause of perfect parenting. The unlimited breastfeeding, baby wearing, co-sleeping parenting police make a good story, but are these extreme and judgemental parents real?

Not in my world. I met a few when my children were young, but not anymore. Where did the extreme parents go? Did they join a commune in Oregon? Are they hunkered down home-schooling? I doubt it. Instead, they’re doing the same things we all do, helping with homework, figuring out how to explain sex to their pre-adolescent children, trying to balance school work, sports, family life. They might still insist on organic produce only, or forbid all television to their 10, 11 or 12 year olds, but they’re not judging other choices, or even necessarily advertising their own choices. They’ve made peace with how to organize the lives of their offspring. They’ve made peace with motherhood. They’ve outgrown extreme, judegmental parenting.

And so, we can’t get ourselves incensed about these stories, because, we’re just so over it. All this hyper-parenting and the damage that goes with it (complete loss of personal life, alienation of friends), is a just a stage – a stage typically limited to the first 2 to 6 years of parenthood. Thankfully, most of us emerge largely unscathed and usually with reasonably well-adjusted, school age children, and a high level of tolerance for the many ways one can be a parent.