Ah, compliments. Anyone can toss one out, "Your kaftan is to die for!" "Have you lost weight?" "My your house looks lovely this evening..." It's easier than a good tennis serve. It is the return of course, that can trip one up so easily. In these effusive times, when every pause in conversation is filled with "I just love you handbag" it is harder than ever to come up with the correct mannerly response to such unsolicited and often hollow-sounding praise.
In an effort to be modest (or possibly point our her superb retail skills) a recipient may find herself saying something like "Oooh thanks! Target, for just $19.99 - can you believe?" or "I got it at Bloomies with double coupons - I saved a bundle I can tell you!"
Then there is the serve and volley situation. Sally says, "Oh I love that skirt" Jane shoots back "Thank you, I've been admiring your shoes all evening." Sally, "And your hair looks fabulous." Jane, "Look at your bracelet!" These gals could go all night.
Occasionally, although this seems to be the metier of the older generation and European ladies, one still hears "Oh, this old thing? I've had it for ages" in answer to a compliment. This response is elegant in its modesty but may have the (hopefully) unintended side effect of making the complimenter feel a bit silly for liking some 'old thing' even if it is vintage Dior.
So we come to this blogger's favorite response to any compliment, which for some reason seems harder and harder to stand by in these days of constant chatter. It is of course, wait for it... the classic and oh-so-simple "Thank you." Yet, we ask ourselves, amid all the babble around us, is it enough? Is it enough to assume the person giving you a compliment is sincere? Is it enough to be grateful for the kind words of praise and demonstrate this in the most genuine and brief way possible?
Let's hope so.
Why We Trouble with Thank You
In a culture of indifference and vulgarity, a world where RSVPs are optional and asking a boy to wear a tie is unheard of, the well mannered modern mother can sometimes feel besieged. Why? Why should she insist on table manners and thank you notes from her children? Why should she cajole her children into dressing appropriately for the occasion? Why should she request that her children look the hostess in the eye when thanking her?
With a recent story in the Wall Street Journal, the modern mother can put those questions to rest, or at the very least, feel justified in insisting on traditional manners. According to the story, Thank You, No, Thank You, the act of being thankful can make you happier, healthier, more successful. For adults, this can mean higher incomes, higher resistance to viral infections, and better sleep. For children, it can mean a higher grades, fewer stomach ache complaints, and more satisfaction with school, friends, family.
Whatever those measures of "success" really mean, teaching children to say thank you, in writing and in person, helps them to acknowledge their own gratitude. It helps them recognize their own blessings, maybe even gives them a bit of humility and respect.
And so, well-mannered mothers and readers, you can all pat yourselves on the back, knowing that for once, social science agrees that you are doing something right. And if you want to put those studies to the test, trying being extra thankful, and see if you sleep better or maybe even get a raise.
With a recent story in the Wall Street Journal, the modern mother can put those questions to rest, or at the very least, feel justified in insisting on traditional manners. According to the story, Thank You, No, Thank You, the act of being thankful can make you happier, healthier, more successful. For adults, this can mean higher incomes, higher resistance to viral infections, and better sleep. For children, it can mean a higher grades, fewer stomach ache complaints, and more satisfaction with school, friends, family.
Whatever those measures of "success" really mean, teaching children to say thank you, in writing and in person, helps them to acknowledge their own gratitude. It helps them recognize their own blessings, maybe even gives them a bit of humility and respect.
And so, well-mannered mothers and readers, you can all pat yourselves on the back, knowing that for once, social science agrees that you are doing something right. And if you want to put those studies to the test, trying being extra thankful, and see if you sleep better or maybe even get a raise.
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