Will "character training" be the next parenting trend?

The discussion of developing children’s non-cognitive skills, also known as character, seems to be cropping up everywhere these days, not just as an antidote to the Rug Rat Race. Last week's episode of This American Life covered exactly this topic: the role of resilience, adaptability, persistence, self control in acheivement, and featured much of the work behind Paul Tough’s new book, How Children Succeed. Find the pod cast here.

While the This American Life coverage focuses on economic and policy implications of developing children's character, I wonder how it will alter the parenting landscape in the suburbs where I live. Will it lead to a rebellion against the drilling and coaching and pushing and prepping, inciting parents to wantonly unschool their children? Will it drive parents to incorporate adversity into their children's lives, having their children walk to school in the snow, sit through long, boring meals, or (gasp!) make their own beds? Of course, the most likely scenario is that it will spawn a new generation of books, seminars, and classes on how to build character in your children. This change would probably be a positive development, all around, assuming families don't pursure "character building" with the myopic intensity typically applied to math drills, early reading and youth sports. I shudder to imagine strip mall franchises designed to teach our children "character" in 45 minutes classes. So convenient, if you can manage to squeeze it in between gymnastics and math tutoring. Kumon for character, anyone? 

Resisting the Rug Rat Race

The phrase "Rug Rat Race" has to be one of the more alliterative labels for the hyper-parenting we all recognize, bemoan, and debate. When I first heard it, thanks to the recent Wall Street Journal piece,  "Opting out of the Rug Rat Race" I was taken with the cleverness of the term - even a tad jealous not to have coined it myself - and of course immediately hooked into reading the article. 

In the story, author Paul Tough lays out something glaringly obvious yet rarely delineated so scientifically: building strong cognitive skills, through early reading, math, or academic drills does not necessarily lead to lifetime success and hapiness, but qualities like resiliency, curiosity, persistence and self-control do. Having some freedom and autonomy builds life skills. Helicopter parenting does not. The author even goes so far to say, "... it seems, the most valuable thing that parents can do to help their children develop noncognitive skills—which is to say, to develop their character—may be to do nothing." Yes! We've said it before: sometimes it's best to do absolutely nothing. Yet, we could not be more gratified to see it espoused publicly.

With a 7th grader in a new school, with a new mobile phone, and 45 minute bus ride each way, I find myself newly tempted to engage in hyper-parenting. At 2:45pm on a week day, I might find my fingers twitching to text a reminder: "don't forget your gym bag!" but I pause, hear those chopper blades thrumming, and think to myself: put the phone down, you helicopter parent, you. Seems like I'll need to excercise a little self control if I want to foster all those life skills like resiliency, curiosity, persistence and, oh, yes, self-control.

P.S. For the record, the term "Rug Rat Race" was coined in 2009 by economists Garey Ramey and Valerie A. Ramey in a paper for the National Bureau of Economic Research - not that I'm ambitious enough to have actually read such an academic paper on parenting. I just like to give credit where credit is due.